Living in Caves and Trees

 Allergies are such an asshole. Two days in the last week I have been miserable... Nose running, sneezing all the time, head hurting, and, my favorite thing, hives! I'm over it. I need a magic wand to keep them away. It's getting ridiculous. I'm over it. 

I got to talk to C.O. yesterday!!! It was so awesome! We had to do a bunch of paperwork since it's a new agency, but it's fine. I'll see him in two weeks and we can talk about all the things that have been going on. I'm super excited about it. I've been really struggling lately. It's just been getting worse, so maybe now I will be able to get in a better headspace. 

I'm still fighting off the burnout from all the writing. Maybe writing two books within three months is a lot. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing it. I need to be writing and editing and doing all the things. I just need to figure out how to cope better. 

FOOTBALL STARTS NEXT WEEK! Can you tell I'm excited? I have been waiting for an eternity. Or what feels like an eternity anyway. The Lions are going to be awesome! It will be awesome! 

There has been a lot of building happening in Terraria. It's how I've been coping. There will be more building soon. I love all of the things in there. It makes me happy. It's not done yet, buuuut here is progress on the treeeeeee: 

Ok, that's enough. 

Until next week ♥

Lyrics in my head: 

When you came in, the air went out 
And all the shadows, filled up with doubt 
I don't know who you think you are 
But before the night is through 
I want to do bad things with you

The Warehouse pt1

 

Somehow all these kids had started looking to us for direction. Some of them were older than us too. We didn’t have enough room for all of them, and more kept showing up. We needed a bigger space.

“I don’t know about this one, V,” James said softly.

“It’s got enough room to grow into,” I answered.

“Except it’s already been claimed.”

“Not for long,” I said, shooting him a wicked grin.

The kids in the warehouse across the street were brutes. They tormented anyone that wouldn’t share their spoils, and their brutality was also used for sport. They didn’t deserve that space. No matter what they claimed. I was going to take it from them.

“Are you really sure?” James asked, biting his lip.

“I’m really sure.”

I stood up, straightened my clothes, and ambled across the street. I was short for 15. No one took me seriously at first. I liked being underestimated. It suited me. The two boys at the door leered at me as I approached. James started whistling from a pace or so behind me, no doubt looking for escape routes. Even as a few more street kids came out of the building to greet me, I didn’t let the swagger drop.

“Nice building you’ve got here,” I said with a sweet smile. “I’m here to take it off your hands.”

“I think you’re lost,” the tallest one said. He was older. He looked every bit as cocky as I was trying to be. “Take your friend and go.”

I tipped my head to the side and grinned. My magic was more controlled now. I raised my hand in front of me and made a wholly unnecessary, embellished flick of my wrist. I felt all their shoes in the grip of my magic and swept their feet out from under them. All five of the street kids went down hard. I didn’t wait for them to recover. I ripped a piece of broken sidewalk up and flung it over to the ring leader. I let it hover just above his head.

“You were saying?” I asked casually.

“You bitch!” one of the other kids spat.

“You can vacate the building, or he is dead. Don’t think I won’t come after the rest of you.”

James sighed as he stepped up next to me. I knew he saw something he didn’t like but was trying to maintain his boredom. I felt his hand close around my arm, but I didn’t dare look at him. The leader was barking out orders. It sounded like he was going to hand the place over.

Then James threw me to the ground as a fireball soared right for my chest. Another witch took control of the piece of sidewalk and hurled it away from the ring leader. I flung up a shield just in time to stop a few ice lances.

I searched for the source of the magic. I couldn’t see anyone. The kids on the ground were advancing.

“Plan B?” James asked as he pulled me to my feet, shield taking another blow.

“Plan B,” I confirmed. “The tallest one and the one to his right are witches. Rest are human.”

I summoned a portal and pulled James through, just barely escaping the next magical attack. We stepped out directly behind them. James took aim and landed a dagger in the thigh of one of the humans. A blast of wind knocked the witches to the ground as I advanced on them. I pulled the air back from their faces.

“Yield,” I growled. “Or I end you.”

I heard another grunt of pain as one of James’s daggers hit home again. The leader glared at me, clawing at his neck as he tried to fling his magic at me. His eyes flicked to the sides. The only warning I had of another attack. Sloppy. They didn’t deserve this place.

I flung my other hand up to shield. I barely got it up in time. I grunted as I took the blow. My magic was fading. I wouldn’t be able to hold for long.

There was a clash of blades behind me. I didn’t dare look. Unlike the boy on the ground in front of me, I knew better than to tip my hand. I needed him to cave. I didn’t want to kill them.

Finally, he tapped his hand on the ground. I pulled my magic back enough for him to speak.

“Enough,” he said. “Stand down.” Someone behind me tried to protest. “I said enough!”

I took him by the hand and hauled him to his feet. I kept him close to me as James tossed me a dagger. I used my magic to secure it in my grip.

“Once they leave,” I said sweetly. “I will release you.”

“We need to gather our things,” he ground out.

“You can take whatever you can carry. They have five minutes.”

A muscle in his jaw tightened, but he gave one nod. His chin brushed against the flat side of the blade. James leaned against the side of the building, picking at his nails. I could see the tension in him. He was getting used to being out here with me, but I hated that I needed him to be. I didn’t like seeing him harden like this.

I shook the thoughts away. These kids in front of me needed all my attention to ensure they didn’t try anything. With barely any time to spare, the last of them left the building.

“Good. Don’t come back here,” I said as I shoved the leader away from me. “Next time… I will kill you.”

“We’ll see about that. You have a reputation around this city, too, you know.”

I let the blade fly out of my hand and stop just shy of his neck. He swallowed hard.

“Try me.”

He glared at me as he backed away. I kept my focus on him until they were out of sight. I was losing my grip on the magic, so I let the dagger clatter to the ground. James righted himself and strode over to retrieve it, tucking it back into his jacket.

“This won’t be the end of it,” he said.

“I know. I’m prepared for that. I need a few of the witches here quick. We need to prepare.”

I sent James out to get them. He was faster than I was and had gotten very good at staying out of sight while I indulged my love for dramatics. I got to work setting up wards. I had to be careful not to drain all the magic I had.

As I finished, I heard James whistle. The front door opened, and all our kids came streaming in. I let them take in all the space. We would need to figure out all the arrangements, but for now, I just wanted to make sure we were safe.

“Alice, Grace, and Kielee,” I said. “I need your help.”

The three witches ran over eagerly. All of them liked to help me. James and I had pulled most of them out of bad situations in an attempt to help them have some level of normalcy.

“Anything you need, Vanessa,” Grace said.

“I need fire traps,” I said. “All the windows and doors. Even the second floor. Can you do it?”

“Yes,” they all said in unison.

“Allen, Ray, Jeff, and Amber,” I said. “Can you set some plant traps for me? I don’t know how it works, but anything to snare someone that tries to cross them.”

“Done,” Ray said as the fairies approached me. “Where do you want them?”

“Work with them on where and how their fire traps will be triggered, and decide from there. Only the front door should be clear. We need to be able to get in and out.”

“Amy, can you scent the kids that were here before? I want to know if they get close to this building again.”

“Sure,” she said. “With all the wards, it will be hard.”

“Do the best you can,” I said with a soft smile. “The rest of you can help James set up the sleeping arrangement for the night. Tomorrow, we get to work.”

Being Well Adjusted is Overrated

 Guess who got a phone call from C.O.?? I DID!!!! The program is opening up, I get my therapist back!! I've really been feeling the loss lately and having him back is going to be amazing. I don't know when the first appointment will be. I am waiting to hear from intake about getting it set up. So, hopefully it will be soon and then all the things will be so much better!! 

The last week has been full of crazy. It's been a lot, and I spent the weekend hiding in Terraria and talking to the Pocket Besties. I needed that time to chill out away from all of the things. I think I'm getting back into it. I just needed to get over whatever weird thing was happening to me. Bi-polar is stupid and it fucks with all the things sometimes. I'm feeling like everything is starting to level out again, add in the help I'll have from C.O. soon and things are going to be great!

The second round of edits on Trust is going really well! I don't know what it is about seeing it in print that makes it so much different, but it does. I see so many more things that I wish I had in there. I'm feeling much better about the entire book now. It also helps I have people over here telling me things will be ok. I'm just feeling the stress of getting this done. I still have to do the Final Pass of Rage before I release it (which will hopefully be on October 16!). 

I have a new playlist!!! One of the Pocket Besties and I made a playlist together, and she put so much good music in there that I have stolen for my own things lol One of the lyrics in my head this week is from one of those songs! New playlists make me happy. 

I'm already looking ahead to November because I cannot help myself. At all. I need to figure out what I'm writing for NaNo. I have too many things... there is a stand alone I am thinking of doing. Each of my series need the third books written. Plus, a character that appeared in Trust is getting a novella... There is the book I was shoved into writing too... So many choices. I don't know what I am doing with my life right now lol I should figure that out. We'll see. I should probably take care of what I am doing right now instead of worrying about what I'm going to be doing in November...

There has been thunderstorms! There has been lightning! It's been a while since there has been a good storm and I've been so excited about it! We are supposed to get another one tonight at some point. I'm hoping it's good! My cats are less than thrilled about it, but Peanut has been gluing herself to me for protection. So she's ok. She knows her mommy will keep her safe. 

Terraria... if you don't play it, you should! It's so great! The castle in the sky has been undergoing renovations. I think it's much better now. I'm happy about it. It's not done, but it's getting there. I also started a new world focused on cool unique houses. I'm sure I will play it like it should be played too, but I just really wanted a sandbox to mess around in. I triggered hardmode in the main world I'm playing. When some of the things happen... it makes it hard to just enjoy building lol but it's fine. I like all the hardmode stuff too. So I'm bouncing around between pretty buildings and killing all the things. 

Ok, I need to be editing. 

Until next week ♥

Lyrics in my head: 

My heart's a dumpster fire burning all damn day 
It's filled with memories of us it all went up in flames 
Maybe it's trash, maybe it's really not that bad
But the smoke from what you broke keeps growing higher 
While I'm trying to find some peace of mind 
In this dumpster fire 

AND 

What do you reckon, is it just me?
Words are weapons and occasionally they cut deep 
Crisis of confidence, it tends to come when I feel the dark 
And I open my heart 
If you don't see it, you should trust me 
I feel like I got nothing left right now 
Except this beauty in a dress right now
She got me feeling like the best, and the rest are just less 

Family

It was too hot to be out in the middle of the city center. I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to this. If anyone else besides James had asked, I would’ve said no. On top of that, I wasn’t allowed to tell Thomas any of it. While I still wasn’t his biggest fan, we had become civil with each other. I didn’t like the idea of lying to him.

“That’s him,” James said softly from beside me.

“And what am I supposed to be doing?” I asked.

I studied his face as he watched the guy across the street. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes hard. There wasn’t much of anything that could make him that tense.

“Thomas is always different after meeting with this guy,” he said, not taking his eyes off the man. “I want to know why.”

“What do you think I can do about it?”

“Whatever it is that you do,” he said, waving his hand around in front of him.

I picked up the coffee in front of me and took a long drink. I let my eyes roam over everyone here. It was too public for intimidation. At least the kind that would shake Thomas enough to worry James.

“Well, I’m not going to figure anything out from over here,” I said as I stood.

“What are you doing,” he hissed.

“I’m going to say hi,” I said brightly.

Before he could say anything else, I ambled over to the side. I glanced at the table Thomas was sitting at. They were in a deep conversation, and Thomas had started to get flustered. I stopped at one of the carts and grabbed a muffin, leaving more than enough coin on the small counter for it. I followed the curve of the bricks to the set of tables outside one of the nicer lunch spots in the city.

I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Thomas had gotten more rigid. I slid my eyes to where James still watched on the other side of the square. He was pained, body tense. He wanted to storm over there but was holding himself back. Trusting me.

I turned my attention back to the meeting Thomas was in. From this side, I could see the man’s face. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him. Fuck it. I walked right over to the table.

“Thomas!” I said brightly. “What are you doing out here?”

I stepped up to him and held my arms out. We weren’t huggers, but I wanted to get him to move. The man at the table turned his hard stare to me as Thomas stood. Kelly Osgard. I’d seen him around the docks. He worked for Raffe.

“Vanessa,” he said as he stepped back from the hug. “I could say the same to you.”

He shook his head slightly as if coming out of a fog. He glanced at Kelly for a moment and frowned.

“I was just out clearing my head. Frustrating day,” I said with a smile.

He raised his eyebrow and shifted his attention to the crowd. I knew the minute he saw James. He pursed his lips and turned his gaze back to me.

“I’m in the middle of something,” he said tightly. “We’ll talk later.”

“How are things going, Kelly?” I asked, ignoring Thomas.

“Fine,” Kelly said.

“Good to know,” I said sweetly. “I’ll have to let Raffe know I saw you here today. If memory serves… he handles all his own finances.”

Kelly let out a low growl. It was a risk. Raffe was a client. Talking about his business in a public space carried risks. Not stopping what could be a betrayal, though… That would carry more.

“I’m here on my own accord,” he said.

I pegged him with a hard stare. His aura was all over the map. It was never a good idea to lie to a witch.

“This is breaking all the rules,” Thomas said hesitantly. “Raffe doesn’t send Kelly to handle any of his dealings?”

“No. He does not,” I said, returning my attention to Thomas. “I’ll take care of it. Why don’t you head over to the table James grabbed?”

He looked between us again before striding off, face getting paler. He knew as well as I did that Raffe would not be happy. I wouldn’t let any of it fall onto Thomas.

“Using your magic to steal from Raffe,” I said, clicking my tongue as I took Thomas’s chair.

I slipped my phone from my pocket and sent a text. It wouldn’t take Raffe long to get here. I cocked my head to the side as I watched Kelly. He was trying to push his magic at me. The growing frustration as I blocked him was amusing. I wasn’t a human he could push around. He couldn’t get into my mind while my magic was prepared for it.

“What do you want?” he asked. “I can cut you in. He won’t even notice.”

“You think I didn’t notice?” Raffe asked as he almost materialized out of the crowd.

Kelly froze. His eyes widened.

“He was using his magic to manipulate one of the bankers,” I said.

“Which banker?” Raffe asked without looking at me.

“It was Thomas. Luckily, James was worried about the state he was in after these meetings.”

“You are sure he was not involved?”

“Yes,” I said.

He was quiet as two of his people came forward and hoisted Kelly to his feet. I was glad I wasn’t Kelly. After today, there was a good chance he wouldn’t be heard from again.

“You have proven yourself invaluable to me yet again, Ms. Parker,” he said, finally facing me. “I will have payment sent to you immediately.”

“That is unnecessary,” I said as I stood. “I’m glad I was able to help.”

He lifted the back of my hand to his lips with the flourish of a bow.

“Then I’ll owe you a favor,” he said.

“I appreciate it,” I said with a genuine smile. “Can I ask what you plan to do with Thomas?”

“If you can swear to me he is not involved, that will be that,” he said. “If I find out he was… As much as I value your services, your neck will be on the line too.”

“I swear on my reputation he did not know.”

He dipped his head and turned back into the crowd. I took a deep breath before walking over to an anxious Thomas.

“What happens now?” he asked, voice wavering.

“Nothing,” I said. “I took care of it.”

He surged to his feet, hugging me hard enough to hurt.

“Thank you,” he breathed into my hair.

James stood. The look he gave me melted my heart. I knew he loved Thomas, and he was the most important person in my life. I would do anything for him.

“You’re family now,” I said to Thomas.

There Needs to be More Coffee

 So. Last week happened. It definitely happened, and I was not on top of things at all. There's that. I've been extra tired lately. The sleeping isn't working like it should be, and my sleep app is telling me I need to 15 hours of sleep tonight to make up for my sleep debt lol That's not going to be a thing that happens. Less sleeping means more coffee. And some redbull too. 

Speaking of Coffee... While Chris was off to Costa Rica for his honeymoon, he bought me coffee. It was from a village there, and it was soooo good! So, so good. Unfortunately... it's gone now. That's really sad. I mean, it's ok. I like my coffee a lot. So, Costa Rican coffee will be a treat from time to time! Chris plans to go back out there because he loved it there so much! He will bring me coffee XD My love language is definitely coffee. lol 

I'm moving through these edits!! It's been a journey back through this book. I was convinced when I was writing it that it was awful and I would need to scrap it. Turns out... that isn't true lol There are definitely some things that need to be fixed, but it's not awful. Which makes me feel a lot better than I did before! 

I now have a writing group inside my writing group! I hide in there sometimes. It's great. Plus, it's like a place where all the words can be said and there isn't any judgment. Bitching, chatting, writing, brainstorming. It's pretty awesome, and I'm happy. There's already plans for road trips, kidnapping, and books with coffee. There will be baking too. BAKING. Who wouldn't be happy under these conditions?

Something my sister and I have always done is have weird ebbs and flows of socializing. It one of those things that just is. Right now she is having a hide inside herself phase. Which means... I am spamming her with love song lyrics and cheesy GIFs. It's fine. She is cool with it :p We are weird people, and I love her so much! 

Fall is coming!! It's my favorite season by far. I'm in love with it. I can't wait. It's the best one, and that is a hill I will die on! I want all the spiced cider, apple pies, and donuts. Give me hot coffee and cool nights. Sweatshirts and cozy blankets. I'm excited. I'm ready for it. 

Do you know what else that all means? Football is back!!!! I mean, it's preseason right now, but it's football nonetheless. We are going to crush it this year. We are going to be awesome. We are going to the playoffs. It's happening, and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise. 

Until next week ♥

Lyrics in my head:

In my defense, I have none
For never leaving well enough alone
It woulda been fun
If you woulda been the one

AND

There's a memory on my mind, it keeps on coming back
Made a promise to myself I wouldn't let it get this bad
Now I'm lying wide awake, sleepless in my bed
My hearts a frozen lake, there's ice inside my chest

The Beginning of a Friendship

 

The vacant apartment was freezing. It was a small one-bedroom. The paint was peeling, and she didn’t want to identify some of the smells. Sitting on the floor had been a risk, but since she would be sleeping here now… She knew she would have to suck it up.

There had been a change of plans. What was supposed to be a simple job had been made infinitely more complicated. Annabell leaned her head back into the wall and uncrossed her ankles because her foot was falling asleep.

“Where does your family think you are?” Arthur asked, from the other side of the small room, breaking the silence from their last heavy conversation.

They had been having more and more of those. He was sitting in a similar position as she had been. His gun was lying off to the side, but she knew he could have it in his hand and aimed in a matter of seconds. He had come more prepared than she had. She was envious of his heavy coat. She hadn’t expected to be here long and only had a thin sweater. He had offered her the coat, but she didn’t want to be surrounded by his scent.

“Don’t have much family,” she said. “My parents died in a car accident when I was a teenager, and I was an only child.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It is what it is,” she said with a shrug. “It’s been a long time. What about you?”

“I haven’t talked to mine in a while. My best friend and his wife are as close as it gets to family.”

“Do they know?” she asked quietly.

They had crossed paths a handful of times now. A tentative friendship had formed, but that was a dangerous question to ask. Even more so to answer. She forced herself to meet his gaze. He surveyed her for a minute before giving one slight nod. It was a sign of trust that he would let her have that information. No one was supposed to know about Garrote.

“They were there when I got the call,” he said just as quietly.

No one was there to overhear them, but saying it too loud felt reckless. Most of their conversations had been dangerous lately. They were an efficient team, so they were paired up often.

“Having people like that… How do you manage it?” she whispered, looking down at her shoe.

“If I have to be close, I make them out to be sources of information,” he said. She could still feel his eyes on her. “If we are ever paired up out that way… you can meet them if you want.”

“I think I would like that,” she said.

She hadn’t had anyone she would consider a friend since she got the call. Arthur was becoming that for her. If he trusted the people around him, she might be able to trust them too. She looked up at him again, and he let his gaze linger before looking away. She knew she had developed this crush, but it was inappropriate. She would never do anything about it. That would be more dangerous than having friends. She cleared her throat.

“How long do you think they will keep us waiting here?” she asked, needing the subject to go back to something harmless.

“Hard to say,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “The change in guest list to this party has them considering the best course of action.”

“I didn’t know the guest list changed.”

“Ah, yea,” he said, scrubbing his hand over the back of his neck. “I forgot you haven’t been in long. They aren’t forthcoming about information until after three years.”

“Why?”

“They need to ensure you’ll stay in line,” he said. “They can’t risk giving more because you could cause problems. Do as you’re told for that long… it builds some trust.”

She tilted her head, thinking about the implications of that. She hadn’t put much thought into how much information she was given and when, but the few times there had been a change in plans… she was left to sit just like this.

“So, they trust us to be out here with weapons, on orders, but not to have all the information?” she finally asked.

His face flushed. She waited for him to answer. She studied his face as he looked everywhere but at her. She didn’t know if he would tell her anything the longer he was silent.

“You aren’t supposed to know this,” he started. “You cannot change your behavior at all if I tell you.”

“Done.”

“The first three years, someone follows you while you are on jobs. Someone is specifically assigned to you and only takes jobs of their own while you are waiting for your next one,” he said softly.

“So someone is watching us now?”

“No. I’m here with you, so it will be my job to report back on you for this assignment.”

He looked uncomfortable. Another piece of information he was trusting her with. If she suddenly started watching for a tail, they would know he told her. There wouldn’t be another explanation.

“What do you have to report?” she asked.

“If you kept to the assignment, made or followed the plan, improvised correctly as needed, if you hesitated or talked to anyone you shouldn’t have. I’m supposed to say whether or not you are fit to continue.”

“How much trouble would you be in for telling me?”

“Re-education at best, execution at worst.”

“I won’t make trouble for you,” she said as she shifted.

She wanted to move closer to him but knew she shouldn’t. They needed to stay where they were. Professional boundaries. Even if a friendship was blooming. She didn’t think assassins were supposed to have friends at all. It wasn’t something she could ask around about. She was about to thank him, but his phone rang.

“Decker,” he said, clearing his throat.

She watched him as he listened to the caller. He nodded a lot, which made her suppress a grin. He had a tendency to talk with his hands while on the phone too. It was a charming quirk of his.

“We have a plan,” he said as he hung up the phone. “We’ve got two days to get ready to crash the party. We have four targets now. All need to be a message. We just have to figure out how to do it and get away clean.”

“Puzzles are one of my favorite things,” she said with a gleam in her eye.

“Then let’s get to work.”

Matchstick Excerpt 6: Bats

“The bats are out in full force tonight,” Annabell said.

“I’ve always loved watching them,” I said, grateful for something else to focus on.

“They have always creeped me out a little bit. I don’t want one to swoop down here and bite me,” Arthur said.

“They aren’t going to bite you,” I laughed.

“You don’t really know that, do you,” he grumbled.

“Are you a bug?” Annabell asked, trying to hide her grin. “If not, then you should be fine.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at Annabell. There was another noise in the woods. I turned my eyes back to the sky to keep from looking.

“It’s a raccoon,” Cali said softly in my ear.

I giggled. It didn’t sounds like me. It was borderline hysterical. I tried to reign it in, but I couldn’t. I was getting jumpy over a raccoon. I knew I sounded crazy. I knew I needed to cover it up.

“I’m sorry,” I said between fits of laughter. “I was just imagining a bat swooping down here to hang out with Arthur.”

Annabell started giggling too. Arthur was not amused.

(All excerpts are taken from a lightly edited first draft. Content here may be changed or removed entirely from the final novel.)

Apparently... It's Thursday...

 aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. It is after 11pm and I just realized this didn't happen. After CampNaNo, my brain was fried. I took days to not do things... then I forgot to do this... So. Here it is. Late. And I'm tired lol 

I finished writing Trust! It's done! I did it! 110,115 words in 31 days. After Matchstick I was afraid it was a fluke, but I think I can make this work more often! I might have a very good system down for all future books. Depending on how long they get... I might need to be careful about doing the whole thing in a month... but it will be fine. It's not like I'm prone to taking on more than I can handle and stressing myself out or anything... >.>

I know there was more I had planned on saying this week. I cannot think of any of it. It helps when I am not trying to write it so late at night... So, maybe that will end up moved to next week.. We'll see lol 

Until next week ♥

Lyrics in my head: 

If I go crazy 
Then will you still call me superman 
If I'm alive and well 
Will you be there to hold my hand