Moonlight and Honey

I've been struggling with my anxiety a lot lately. It's gotten pretty bad. To help deal with it, I'm changing my meds. I think it will be good, but it can take 2-4 weeks for them to truly take hold. So, I've been a little bit of a mess. But it's fine. This is fine... To ease some of the things I'm trying to maintain right now, I've changed the blog schedule. The weekly whatever posts will still be weekly (mostly), but the extras and excerpts are now going out every two weeks instead of every week. It gives me more time to be on top of things. I might change it back once I get everything on track again, we'll see. 

SO! I wanted things to make me happy. Today, I bought three new candles!! Moonlight and honey is the name of one of them. It smells so good!!The other two are applewood and incense and sea and land.  The jars are pretty, the scents are pretty, and I'm very happy I decided to buy them today. I'm sitting here right now (on Thursday??) writing this while the moonlight and honey candle burns. 

I haven't written anything yet today, so I'm going to finish this up and then go do that. The goals for NaNo this time around require about 4k words a day. That may or may not sound like a lot. I'm here to tell you... it's a lot. I work better under some pressure. Usually. Unless it's too much pressure and I push through while having a breakdown. It's hard to say. BUT! The words will get written today. 

The thing with drafts is they don't have to be good. First drafts just... aren't good. They aren't necessarily bad (but they can be, or at least have really bad parts), but they just aren't good. The writing process is messy as hell. Ideas show up and they sound great and you write them and you're like, "OMG I LOVE IT!!" aaaaand then you realize it broke like eight other parts of the book and have to figure out what to do about it. When I wrote my first book it took me a very long time. I was convinced it needed to be written the way it would be published. That everything needed to be smooth and polished as I went. That I needed to stop and edit along the way to make sure I was going in the right direction. Rage was the same way in the beginning. I've let that go, mostly, and now I can write the books in about a month. That just means drafting months have a tight schedule. If I miss a day of writing I'm 4k words behind. I just have to keep up with it. 

Football starts soon. I'm not super invested in this particular game (but the Bears are in my division, so I care a little, even though they are very... not good). So I'm going to go write and watch football and enjoy my cheesecake (my birthday was Monday!) and bask in my candle. Tonight will be a good night. Because I said so damnit. 

Until next week ♥

Lyrics in my head:

I've been having a hard time adjusting 

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting 

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that 

Pulled my car off the road to the lookout 

Could've followed my fears all the way down 

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway