The Art of the Scramble and Other Nonsense

 Aaaaaaaah... I hate day light savings time. It's stupid, and I feel sleep deprived. Maybe it's because I'm stubborn or crazy or who knows, but it bothers me for weeks. Next week I'll still be sitting here wishing I had that hour back. It snuck up on me this year too. I wasn't expecting it and then BAM missing an hour. 

Don't mind me. I'm just salty. 

I'm also behind. Not by a lot or anything. I had hoped to be DONE with Rage edits by the time I went to bed on Monday. That is not what happened lol I had to finish it on Tuesday. Which isn't horrible, but I don't like being behind. C.O. would ask me what the worst part of having it take one day longer is. When I grumble at him something along the lines of "that I've lost a day..." he would tell me it's only one day. I'm ok, everything is ok, and I can't change it now, so I shouldn't sit around stressing about it. He would say it nicer than that. 

I'm trying. 

The trying would probably be a little easier if I could have my appointments with him back. He went to a different agency, so I had to do a little bit of internet stalking to find out where. I'm in the process of getting back in to see him, but there have been delays. I do not like delays. The delays make me want to rage and spiral and demand things work EXACTLY HOW I WANT THEM TO. 

I'm taking a deep breath and remembering that C.O. would not want me to be spiraling. So this is me. Trying not to be spiraling. (As an aside, he is aware I found him and is totally fine with it. He's seriously the best therapist I've ever had.) Hopefully soon I will have my appointments back. I feel like I'm co-dependent on my therapist. Is that normal? lol

I'm trying. I really am. This week has been particularly hard. I'm having trouble with my psychiatrist's office. There's a whole thing. It's a long complicated story, but the gist of it is: I ran out of my meds on Friday because I wasn't given enough to make it to the next appointment.  I didn't have my meds for FIVE DAYS. I got them back last night (zero help from my Dr. My pharmacist is just amazing and took the time to look back through my history and found an old script that still had refills, but it's a lower dose). I am now in the market for a new prescriber.  I cried when she told me she found an old script I could have filled. Going cold turkey off your meds is brutal. As of 3pm EST on 3.16, my Dr. still has not called in a refill. That's how insane this all is.

In happier news, Alexandria has been helping me read the Ascendance series! I dedicate about an hour of time in bed at night to read. It helps me sleep better, and it gives me my reading time back. I love reading, but sometimes I feel like I have so much else to do that I can't just sit and read. Allocating that hour has done wonders for me. I'm back into a rhythm with it, and it's awesome. 

Isn't she precious? Don't you want to just kiss her little face and touch her little nose and pet her little toes?? She loves me, I swear lol I let her lay just about anywhere she wants to and give her all her favorite scratches, and she lets me be a little obnoxious sometimes. It all works out. 

So, basically, this week has been scrambling to catch up while taking deep breaths and trying to be ok with it while doing a lot of reading with my Peanut. 

I think that's about it this week. I'm getting rambley. Shocking. I know. 

Until next week ♥

When Gus Met Cassidy

 

It was another long and hot day. The training schedules were brutal, and Gus could never understand why. There hadn’t been a war in over 500 years. As much as he hated it, there had been some benefits. One of the leading families had been impressed by his skill. He had been offered a position with them. At first, he was managing their house and staff, listening to the staff from other families gossiping and other menial tasks. It had been a few years now, and he had earned his place at the table.

The Monroe name used to command respect, but after his father died, his mother fell apart. They still had their wealth, but being seen in every tavern in the city from open to close had destroyed what was left of their reputation. Gus was going to restore it. He now took meetings on behalf of Mr. Talsa. When he spoke, it was known he was speaking on behalf of the Talsa family. He still had to finish his training at the academy. If he could make it just one more year, he would never have to wield combat magic again.

Gus turned his attention back to the task at hand. He was restoring the family home himself. His mother was still spending all her time with whatever alcohol she could find, but he was now in charge of the estate. He wiped his forehead on his sleeve and went back to sanding. Once he buffed out the rough spots, he could move on to staining. All he had left to sand was the top of the railings.

“If only you had some kind of tool at your disposal that could mold that wood at the flick of a finger,” called a familiar voice.

“I like to work with my hands,” Gus replied with a smirk. “What are you doing on this end of town, Jeremy?”

“Thought I’d come by and check on you. No matter how many times you tell me you like working with your hands, I just can’t wrap my head around it.”

“It feels like more of an accomplishment this way,” Gus answered, tossing Jeremy a piece of sandpaper attached to a block. “See for yourself.”

Jeremey balked at the idea. Gus chuckled and went back to work sanding. He didn’t think it was so strange that he wanted more than just powerful magic. Sure, with a few waves of his hands, he could have the wood bent and melded to his liking in seconds. Where was the pride and accomplishment in that? He had to throw magic around violently all morning four days a week and again at the request of the Talsa family if they needed it six days a week. While at home, he just wanted to create something with his own hands.

To Gus’s surprise, Jeremy started sanding. Gus thought about commenting but refrained. It would be better to just let him have the experience. They worked in silence for another hour. The railing was almost perfect. The soft scrapping of the sandpaper had brought calm in to settle around them.

“Ok,” Jeremy said with a sigh. “I get it. It’s kind of nice. There is a little more pride in the finished product. BUT this way took hours!”

“You’ve only been here for around an hour.”

“It feels like three. And my arm hurts.”

“You get used to it,” Gus said with a grin. “Builds character.”

“I have all the character I need. Can we at least get a beer? If I’m going to be forced to stay here and do hard labor, I should at least be compensated with a nice beer.”

“No one is forcing you to stay or to do mild labor.”

Jeremy scoffed. Gus knew he would never admit to wanting to stay. So he punched him lightly in the arm and went to grab him a beer.

“I love you. You are the greatest person that has ever walked these streets,” Jeremy said as Gus handed him the beer. “You will always have a special place in my heart.”

“Has anyone told you that you’re dramatic?”

“I take pride in it,” Jeremy said before taking a long drink.

“Alright then, Drama King, are you going to help me stain the porch or not?”

“I guess. If you’re going to twist my arm."

 

They were almost done when a call from Mr. Talsa came in.

“Is there any way you can take a meeting for me tomorrow morning? I just got called away to Prush, but this is important.”

“It shouldn’t be an issue. I just need to let the academy know.”

“I’ll take care of it. They need to know it’s on my request, though, I’ll tell them it’s an order,” he said with a chuckle.

“I appreciate it. They can’t very well say no to you.”

“The benefits of my friendship,” he said. “You’re really helping me out here. I won’t forget it.”

“It’s my pleasure to help.”

They ended the call, and Gus turned to finish up but realized Jeremy had taken over. He was concentrating intensely on getting it right. He felt a sense of pride well up in him. Jeremy had become a lot like a little brother. Helping him find his way made Gus feel like he was making a real difference in the world. This was the first time he actually offered to help with something this close to manual labor. He knew better than to expect this level of investment all the time.

“I think it’s done,” Jeremy said as he looked around.

“I’d say so,” Gus answered.

“What might it take to get a hot meal?”

“I think I can make that happen,” Gus said, slinging his arm around his shoulders. “You did good, kid.”

“Kid?” Jeremy laughed. “You’re like four years old than me!”

“And decades smarter.”

 

He was going to be a little early for the meeting, but early was always better than late. He slowed his horse down to meander through the streets. He got the details of the meeting shortly after he got up. It was a routine meeting. Meet, kiss ass, make a pitch, and then wait for them to call. Talsa was in the process of developing some new tech. Gus didn’t understand it all, but he didn’t need to. That wasn’t his job here. All he knew was that it preserved a small amount of magic from creation to perform whatever task. It was genius. The magic wouldn’t last forever, and you’d have to pay to have it recharged. Something about the magic from the power grid wouldn’t give it the enchantment that made the things work.

Usually, Gus was just there to talk up the company and the family, answer general questions, and make the potential client feel special. He could do that easily enough. Afterward, Talsa met to discuss tech details and broker a deal.

His mind continued to wander as he looked around. Something, or rather, someone, caught his attention. She was beautiful. She was walking along one of the balconies above him. She was in an elaborate dress that seemed much too formal for this early in the morning. She wasn’t paying any attention to the street. She was talking to a young woman walking next to her. She laughed and took off running. He had never seen anything like it. She was just so free.

She spun around and called out to her friend. She must have felt him watching her because she turned and looked right at him. She raised her hand, and he thought she was waving to him. That’s when he collided with a sign and managed to knock himself off the horse. The wind had been knocked out of him, so he just lay there for a minute to assess.

“Are you alright?” a voice called down.

“Probably,” Gus answered.

“Should be more careful,” he heard as he sat up.

He looked around and saw the woman leaning against the railing, trying to contain a smile. He raised one hand to her as he jumped back up to his feet. He was going to have a lump on the side of his head. He looked up to the balcony again. The woman waved, letting her smile shine through.

Before he could say anything else, she turned and continued on with her friend. He had a meeting to get to.

I get a LOT of help when I sit on the couch to work

Social Media?

 Turns out, I'm terrible at social media. I mean, I'm not all that surprised by it. I bailed on all social media except Reddit a long time ago. I apparently had a Twitter (I don't remember making one...) so I've updated it to reflect all the new writery stuff, followed a bunch of writery people, and we're gunna see how that goes. I'm trying to keep up a LinkedIn too. I feel like a cranky old lady and I'm only in my early 30s. How am I supposed to manage being active on Twitter, LinkedIn, and this blog while keeping up with the working, the parenting, and the homeschooling? Plus I should probably clean my house and cook food on occasion too. 

If you want to follow me on either, whether it's to keep updated or watch me attempt to make this work (o.o) here's my LinkedIn and Twitter.

Alexandria would like me to inform you this is a very hard house to live in. The people are always doing things, and of course, this means they need to be supervised. People cannot be trusted to just do things on their own. Kitty help is a must! After a very long day helping me deep clean the house, she just cannot go on. She's very overworked. Poor thing.

I was really happy with my Valentine's Day nails. The aforementioned cleaning resulted in some damage. They only lasted about eight days. Of course, I had to do them again. I decided to go super colorful this time. I did not think it all the way through... It took me like five hours to get them all done. Whiiiich put me behind on editing. My therapist says that's fine because self-care is important and my nails make me happy. He's probably right, even though I grumble about it all the time. My inner anxiety just likes to remind me that I set ambitious goals the last two weeks and is keeping score of how far behind I have become. I'm working on it. My nails are cute, though! Here's to hoping they last!

Color Me Productive

 

First, Valentine's Day nails! I usually do my nails every two-ish weeks. Sometimes I do them a little sooner, it just depends on how well they are holding up. However, as cute as Valentine's Day stuff is... I actually hate it as a holiday. "Lets hype up a romantic day so much that it becomes stressful and everyone ends up disappointed!" Doesn't that sound great! I just wish so many people didn't mark it as an important milestone to judge the status of their relationship. I've had friends talk about it (from all genders) and now I hear my 17 year old daughter talk about it. Take the pressure off guys. One day of the year shouldn't decide the fate of your relationship. Ok, I'm done now.

I have been more productive in the last couple weeks than I had been in a while. I'm really digging it. I've had so much crazy in my life that maintaining a schedule and making plans seemed like an effort in futility. Hitting this kind of stride is a huge deal for me, so I always try to make the best of it. I have bi-polar disorder. I've been medicated for a little over a year now (I wasn't for a long time after a bad reaction to one set of meds). It really does help me a lot, but it isn't a cure. Toss in the ADHD and anxiety and you've got a party. I've started talking about it more because it's something that should be talked about. 

Even when medicated, I live in constant flow of peaks and valleys. My "normal" floats somewhere above or below what neuro-typical people experience as "normal". I see my therapist every week and he is super great. Even when I tell him that I'm pretty sure he has to tell me he's proud of what I am accomplishing (even when I feel like I have accomplished nothing) because it's in the secret social work rule book and he tells me there isn't a rulebook, secret or otherwise, of what he has to stay to his clients, but, like, that sounds like something the secret rulebook would say you have to say if the secret rulebook is brought up, doesn't it? Doesn't it?? 

Anyway, he puts up with me, he pushes me to challenge the stupid give up thoughts and make them into stupid go-to thoughts and it's helping. Even when I grumble about how if things would just work exactly how I want them to... I wouldn't be stressed out! So, I like to take full of advantage of these moments when my mind is clear and my drive is strong. I'm trying to get as many posts, and news, and whatever else queued up before the downswing comes in. These weekly more personal ones (what will most likely stay as Thursday) are done up either Sunday or Monday. So if they go missing for a little while...Well, they'll come back when I get my shit back together again.

Until next week! ♥

Two of my babies! Alexandria (Peanut) 4, Spade 20

I thought I was going to work. Peanut decided I was not.

When I work on the couch... sometimes it gets a little crowded.. (Turtle 4, is the middle, he's Xander's bio brother!)

My Editing Assistant Has a Wet Nose

Massive edits are probably my least favorite part of the process. I love writing. I love engaging with readers. I love formatting and layouts. I severely dislike editing. However, when I need to do big edits, I have a lot of help. When I'm ready to be done for the day, Alexandria (Peanut) steps right in. In my opinion, she's the cutest and most accurate editor anyone could hope to have.