Trust Excerpt 5: Exhaustion

 “If you pass out it, it will result with you being in bed, and all of us worried about you,” he said.

“Fine,” I replied with a sigh. “I’ll get in bed, but someone is going to bring me some of that stuff from the box to go over.”

“You need rest,” he said as he picked me up. “Now.”

“I need answers to all of these questions,” I said, scrambling to hold on to him.

“Rayna wants to come up here and talk to you by herself for a minute,” he said. “I’m going to make food while she talks to you, and then we can figure out what to do next. You and I still have some things to talk about.”

“I was hoping you were going to let us move on from that now,” I said.

He carried me up the stairs and placed me softly on the bed. I leaned back into the headboard and he pressed a soft kiss to my temple. He let his lips linger for moment before giving me a soft smile and going back down the stairs to get Rayna.

I closed my eyes and tipped my head back. Everything was such a mess. Nothing made any sense. I was tired all the time. My body and my magic were both sore. Rayna came running up the stairs.

“How are you?” Rayna asked as she jumped on the edge of the bed. “I was worried about you.”

“I’m doing ok,” I said. “I’m just tired. You did good today.”

“I told you, I just wanted to help,” she said. “I can help you.”

She scooted over to me and lifted my arm so she could lay against me. She wrapped her arms around me and sighed. She'd never had comfort before. I knew she hadn’t, but how quickly she sought it out concerned me. She wasn’t standoffish at all. She was temperamental, but not standoffish. I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“My shadows like you,” she said. “They talk about you a lot.”

“What do they say about me?”

“They tell me you're upset a lot, but you don’t tell people. They think you should tell James and Nic,” she said.

“What makes you think I don’t tell them?” I asked.

“You don’t tell everything,” she said. “They can feel it.”

“Well,” I said, squeezing her tighter. “Let your shadows know I am working on it.”

She went quiet as we sat there. I still needed to talk to Kathrine about taking Rayna out there. It would be best if it very few people saw her. We didn’t know the full scope of what she could do and how hard it was for her to control it. 

(All excerpts are taken from a lightly edited first draft. Contents may change or be removed entirely from the finished book.)

Cult Anyone?

 I have a cult now. I can't really tell you how it happened. I came back to the Inn after being busy and was greeted with several people telling me they were my followers. It had something to do with daily word counts, that's really all I know! So. I'm a cult leader! I bless people with cookies (provided by my favorite Confused Cookie Goddess) and writing motivation. 

I know I've talked about the Inn, but I wanna talk about it some more. I love it there so much. It's the writing community I've always wanted. It was what I thought I had in the other group I belonged to. Turns out, vibes are hard to maintain when the leaders of a space don't model the correct behavior. With the Inn, we control that, and it's happy and supportive and just a fantastic group of people I adore being around. We're close to 120 guests at our Inn. It's crazy to me that we have that many people. I love them all. It's really a driving force for me lately. 

This has been a week. It's been complicated and hard and stressful for so many reasons. I've been on the verge of taking my panic attack meds more than once. I keep saying I'm going to do better about maintaining these weekly posts, and I always have good intentions, but I'm busy all the time now. Between writing and working and the Inn and having a child that's an adult but really still a child and some other family things happening. I will try to be better about it. 

There is a new Taylor Swift album coming out at MIDNIGHT TONIGHT! I honestly cannot wait. It's going to be devastatingly good. I can feel it. I'll probably end up staying up way later than I should while listening to the entire thing. The wait it KILLING ME! 

I think that's all for this week. I'm exhausted. 

Until next week ♥

Lyrics in my head:

I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

Fighting in only your army

Frontlines, don't you ignore me

I'm the best thing at this party

You're losing me

And I wouldn't marry me either

A pathological people pleaser

Who only wanted you to see her

Maps Anyone?

 The map of Hearth is in Rage, but I have these rough drawings of Tarum and Vale. I made them in paint, so they aren't exactly fabulous, BUT! They will be drawn up and amazing at some point! (also, pretend my scribbles on there are decent lol)

TARUM: 

VALE: 

Annabell's First Charge pt1

 I needed a shower. The problem with amazing workouts was always having to change after. When I could just be home, it wasn’t a big deal. Having to be on campus meant sharing shower space and locker rooms. At least I hadn’t run into anyone yet.

Almost there.

“Ready for one of your own?” Alex said.

I groaned internally while turning to face her. I’d been so close to making it to the showers.

“Do I have to?” I asked. “I still feel like I barely know what I’m doing.”

I flashed her a smile and looked down at my feet. It was what she wanted. She laughed and handed me the file.

“I’m glad you’re still willing to learn from me!”

“Well, you are the best there is,” I said as she pulled me into a hug. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “When does this one start?”

“He was just handed his first assignment. So you can read up on it and then head out in the field to keep an eye on him.”

I flashed her another smile as she turned and walked back down the hallway. I hated the days I was required to be on the campus. I’d been talking to Arthur more and more about how everything around Garrote worked. I wanted out, but there wasn’t a way to make that happen.

I walked into the locker room and flopped down on one of the benches. It wasn’t a big folder. It would be perfect if it was an easy in-and-out job. That would mean I wouldn’t have to get involved in it. It would be nice if this one was decent. Arthur had told some stories, and I really didn’t want to deal with one of those.

I flipped through the relevant information. If it were my job, it’d only take a day, maybe two, depending on how it looked on the first night. Hopefully, the new guy, Onyx, would be on top of it. On the plus side, I knew I wouldn’t get many jobs while watching him. It might be a good vacation.

Long days and Spring Cleaning

 I need to be better about these. Every week. I've been... busy. To say the least. I finally got the editing on Trust done and moved on to finish writing Moonlit. I'm not scheduled to edit it until May, but I've decided I need to get a little bit of a head start on it ahead of camp. 

Speaking of camp! Sir Innkeeper, Lady Benevolent Witch, and I started our own Discord server! Because everything with NaNo is a mess... we've decided to hold our own writing events. We EXPLODED in members so fast we've been scrambling to manage it all. It's been great. I love it there. The people are great, and the vibes are the best. I'm super grateful for all of it!! So, I'll still be writing Waterlogged in April, it will just be for our event instead! 

I'm spring cleaning this week, so I'm exhausted, BUT! My house will be clean! Like, really clean. Scrubbing the baseboards, cleaning out every cupboard and closet kinda clean. It'll be awesome when it's done, but right now, I'm feeling tired and sore and ready for it to all be over. 

Something AMAZING happened this week! I wrote for a sub call about a year ago and I hadn't heard anything about it, so I just assumed they didn't take it. I got an email this week... THEY ARE GOING TO PUBLISH IT! Details will be coming soon! I'm super excited! I can't wait! 

Ok, until next week ♥

Lyrics in my head:

And I wouldn't marry me either
A pathological people pleaser 
Who only wanted you to see her
And I'm fadin', thinkin'

and

All that I am 
All that I ever was
Is here your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

From Nic's Kitchen: Potato Soup

 

Trust Excerpt 4: Riley

 

“Vanessa!” someone yelled as they ran through the gathered crowd. All of a sudden, I was almost knocked over as someone wrapped their arms around me and squeezed. “I’ve missed you so much! I just wasn’t sure if you’d want me to drop by.”

“Riley?” I asked, surprised. “They told me you’d moved to Briar.”

“I came back after the attacks,” she said, eyes filled with tears. “I knew they needed me here if it happened again.”

“You are always welcome to anywhere I am,” I said, pulling her into another hug. I swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears back. “Always.”

I hadn’t seen her since I dropped her off in the village 13 years ago. We were passing through and she wanted to stay. She was so young then, but eager to learn from the fairies here and to help. She was, and always would be, one of my kids. Seeing her, alive and taken care of, overwhelmed my senses.

“Sorry, I know there is a lot going on, but when I was told you were here… I just had to see you,” she said stepping back and wiping her eyes.

Her long dark hair was swept up into a pony tail, and she had dirt all over her face and clothes. I knew she would be grown now, but it was hard to really believe it. She had been so young when James and I left her here. Somehow, she had stayed that way in my mind.

“I’m really happy to see you, too,” I said, hastily wiping the tears from my eyes. “I think about you a lot. I’m glad you’re well.”

“I’m going to help them defend this place,” she said, clearing her throat. “I’ve been pushing my magic to build the strength.”

“Just make sure you take care of yourself, ok?” I said.

“You too,” she said.

“When this is over, I owe Lottie and Denis coffee,” Nic said. “You're welcome to join us.”

“I would like that,” she said with a smile.

“I’ve got a few teams scattering to get the word out,” Ben said as he marched back into the square. “We will make sure none of them fall.”

“Thank you,” Nic said, extending his hand.

Ben clasped Nic’s forearm and bowed his head slightly. A softness slid across Nic’s face as he bowed his head in return.

“It will be an honor to serve with you,” Ben said.

They both pulled their hands back, pressed their fists against their lips, and then lay their palms flat against their chests.

“The honor is all mine,” Nic said.

Trust Excerpt 3: Just a Little Treason

 

“I can’t pull many,” Arthur said, jaw clenched. “It will draw attention.”

“Do what you can,” I said. “We’ve gotta make this fast.”

He pulled out his phone and started barking orders. I needed to stay out of sight. We didn’t need the Cabinet interested in my movements. I wanted to storm into one of these buildings and force them to act. That didn’t go well for me the last time.

“Don’t forget to breathe, V,” James said softly. “You’re going to combust.”

“I’m over their bullshit,” I snarled. “How hard would it be to just overthrow them a little bit and take over until this is settled?”

“Probably not a good idea to talk about treason while standing behind a government building…” he said. “Or in front of someone that works for them.”

“She’s fine,” the witch said. “I agree with her. Vanessa and Erica got us through the attack on Prush. I’m in for whatever the two of them need.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “What was your name?”

“Trish,” she said.

“I’ve been meeting a lot of people lately. I might forget again,” I said.

“I’ll help her remember,” James said with a genuine smile.

“It’s ok,” Trish said. “You have a lot going on. If you or Erica need anything from someone in the capital, just shoot me a message and I’ll do what I can.”

“Thank you,” I started.

“If someone can get me a portal, we’ll be ready to go,” Arthur interrupted.

“Sure, where to?” I asked.

“Near the barracks.”

“I’ve never been there,” I said.

“I’ve got it.”

Trish opened the portal and we stepped through. There was a group of 15 men waiting for us. All of them were grim. I didn’t know how much Arthur told them, but we needed to move before I filled them in any further.

“Are you good to stay here?” I asked Trish.

“Yep. Let me know if you need anything else,” she said with a wave.

(All excerpts are taken from a lightly edited first draft. Contents may change or be removed entirely from the finished novel.)

From Nic's Kitchen: Barbeque Sauce

 

Matchstick's on Pre-Order!

 Matchstick is almost here!! It's available for pre-order right now and will be released on February 13th! 

To read the first three chapters, check out Matchstick's page on my website! 

As Harley settles into the new dynamics of her life, including a budding relationship with Onyx, she's ready to move forward on her plans against the Order. Now more comfortable with her magic, she's optimistic about using it to her advantage and taking them down. 

However, her plans are thwarted as Mark resurfaces with a vendetta; Harley's only warning coming from an unlikely ally. Meanwhile, Bethany is also out for revenge, making an appearance of her own. Bethany has nothing left to lose and nowhere else to direct her anger. 

The odds of surviving them both aren’t in Harley’s favor.

♥ BN ♥ Smashwords ♥ Amazon ♥

Trust Excerpt 2: Nic

 “Stop it,” James said, bumping his shoulder into mine. “I can feel your stress all the way over here.”

“I’m not stressed,” I said, glaring at him.

“Bullshit,” he said.

“What did she do now?” Nic asked as he sidled up to my other side, taking my hand.

“She says she isn’t stressed,” James answered.

“She’s a liar then,” Nic quipped.

“She isn’t even very good at it.”

“I’m right here,” I said, rolling my eyes. “And I’m fine. I’ve been fine. I will be fine.”

“Bullshit,” Nic and James said at the same time.

The two of them had become friends since we held the wall in Prush. I had been happy about it since Nic was jealous of him. Once they became friends… they like to gang up on me.

“Is Thomas still planning the coalescence ceremony?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Yep,” James said with a sigh. “I told him we should probably wait, but he doesn’t want to.”

“Why?” Nic asked.

“He is afraid if it doesn’t happen soon that it won’t happen at all. Either there will be so much turmoil that it keeps getting put off, or that someone we love won’t make it home to be there.”

“I can see his reasoning, but this is probably the worst time for it,” I said.

“Do you want to tell him that?” James asked with a smirk.

“No,” I said, giving him side eyes. “I like my head still attached.”

Nic tipped his head back and laughed. I pulled my hand out of his and glared at him. He reached for me again, but I dodged him and stuck my tongue out. He laughed again, shaking his head as he jogged ahead to snag Ty.

“Hey,” James said, reaching out for my arm. “How is… all of that?”

“Fine,” I said as I came to a stop.

“Fine?” he said rolling his eyes. “That’s not an answer.”

“I don’t know. It’s going.”

“You are happy with him,” he said. A statement, not a question.

“I guess…” I said.

“Don’t do that,” he said softly. “As the person who knows you better than anyone in the whole world, I’m telling you that you’re happy. You are playful again.”

“For now,” I said. “I don’t expect it to stay that way. A storm is coming, and that will change everything. I’m not going to be excited about this until we are done Vale.”

“I know it’s hard,” he said, pulling me into a hug. “Enjoy it. Whether it’s for a week, a year, a decade… whatever the time may be. Enjoy it.”

(All excerpts are taken from a lightly edited first draft. Contents are subject to change or may be removed from the final novel entirely.)

Hot Chocolate, Muffins, and a Fresh Start

 It was about time to close up for the night. Carly knew James was going to swing by on his way back to Vanessa’s to grab some coffee. She got it ready to go before she started closing everything down for the night. She knew a lot had been going on with them, but didn’t know exactly what. Vanessa loved her coffee, but she’d been in, or sent James in, way more often for the last couple weeks. She wasn’t going to let him pay for this batch. If it were solely up to her, they wouldn’t pay for any of their orders. They had both helped her sister, Kara, out of a tough spot. Carly knew she could never repay them, even if they said there was no debt to pay.

It had taken a few visits to get used to how Vanessa was. She’d liked James immediately. It was his bond with Vanessa that made Carly give her a second look. They’d become friends. She had a lot of regulars, but somehow… those two had become a lot more like family. Even before they helped Kara.

Carly gathered up all the trash from the bins in the dining area and swept the floor. Mopping sounded like a job for another night. The floors didn’t look bad anyway. It could wait. She hauled the bags to the back door and pushed it open with her hip. Her father wasn’t thrilled she did this. He was afraid something would happen to her. Her father still couldn’t understand why she wanted the coffee shop at all, not with all the coin they had in the vaults.

She barely noticed the boy in time to avoid hitting him with the garbage bags. His eyes widened as he tried to scramble away from her, his back colliding with the dumpster. Carly didn’t think he was any older than 10.

“Hey, it’s ok,” Carly said, setting the other bag down. “Were you looking for… food?”

He looked around, still panicked. The only way out of the dumpster was to get closer to her since it was set in an alcove. He started breathing heavy as he realized he was trapped.

“Listen, I have muffins in there,” she said. “Would you like some?”

She held her hand out for him, and he stared at it for a minute. He clasped his hands together tightly as his eyes darted around again. He hesitantly nodded, and accepted Carly’s outstretched hand. She helped him climb back out of the dumpster and led him inside. Under the lights in the dining room, he was thinner than she thought. His skin was coated in grime and his hair was greasy and stuck together.

“Let’s get your hands cleaned up before you eat,” she said.

He just nodded. She wasn’t sure if he was able to talk or if he was afraid to. She got the water started and had him wait until it was warm before he used it. The water ran so dark it was almost black. She handed him some soap and he used it happily. His hands were starting to come clean.

“My name’s Carly,” she said. “I own this place. What’s your name?”

“Oliver,” he said softly, voice cracking.

“Well, Oliver, let’s get you a couple muffins and a hot chocolate.”

He nodded hesitantly, but she could see the excitement and hunger burning in his eyes. Carly took him behind the counter and pulled her stool up to it for him to sit on. She grabbed a couple of muffins and set them down in front of him before getting his hot chocolate going. She heard the bell for the door and as she turned around, Oliver dropped to the floor, pressing his back into the cabinet, pulling his knees to his chest.

“Hey, Carly,” James said as he walked up to the counter. “Sorry if I’m holding you up! It took longer to get away than I thought it would.”

“No, you’re not holding me up,” she said glancing down at Oliver. “I was getting the cleaning done for the night.”

“I won’t keep you,” James said. “Thank you for the late coffee. You’re the best!”

“Do you have a minute?” she asked.

“Yea, what’s up?”

Carly held up her finger and squatted down in front of Oliver. He was squeezing his legs tightly and rocking slightly. She wasn’t sure if he was afraid of people in general or if he was expecting someone else to be looking for them.

“This is my friend, James,” she whispered quietly to Oliver. “Did you think someone else was coming?” Oliver nodded. “I think you should meet my friend if you’re up to it.”

“Is he nice?” he asked softly.

“He is,” Carly said with a soft smile. “And one of his jobs is helping people when they are hurt or scared.”

“It is?” he asked, eyes wide again.

Carly nodded before standing and offering her hand to him. He hesitated, but took it. As he climbed to his feet. His eyes were still wide as he turned to face James.

“Well, hi!” James said with a bright smile. “I’m James.”

“Oliver,” he mumbled.

“I found him looking for food out back, so I brought him in.”

His eyes shifted to hers and he nodded slightly. James extended his hand to him. Oliver looked down at the state of his clothes and the grime still covering his arms and took a step back. James was in one of his signature 3 piece suits, tailored perfectly, and didn’t have a speck of dust anywhere on him.

“It’s ok, you don’t have to shake my hand if you don’t want to,” James said, his charming smile spread across his face. “It was very nice to meet you.”

“Oliver hid behind the counter when you came in because he was expecting someone else to come looking for him,” Carly said.

Oliver looked to the floor and didn’t see the darkness cross over James’s face. Carly didn’t know the whole story, but she did know he and Vanessa had a very hard start to life. If anyone could help get through to Oliver, James could.

“Is that so?” James asked. Oliver nodded, still looking at the floor. “Well, I happen to know a lot of really awesome people that don’t care much for bullies. My best friend, Vanessa, isn’t afraid of anything.”

“Really?” Oliver said in awe. “She isn’t even afraid of Larry Smalls?”

“She isn’t. And, because you are friends with Carly, I’m sure Vanessa would love to have a talk with Larry Smalls and tell him he isn’t to say a single word to you.”

“No way!” he said. “She could do that?”

“I’m on my way to see her now,” he said. “I’ll tell her all about it. Are you going to be around here a while? I’m sure Vanessa would love to meet you after she talks to him.”

“If he’ll let me,” Carly said. “I’m going to take him home with me, get him a shower, a hot meal, and a bed.”

Oliver whipped around to look at her. His mouth dropped open before he snapped it shut.

“You don’t need to do that,” he said softly. “I’m ok. If Larry Smalls is gunna leave me alone, then I’m ok.”

“I want to. We’re going to get you healthy and then I’ll help you figure out what to do from there,” Carly said. “Why don’t you go into the back and see if I have more muffins in there?”

Carly waited until he’d slipped through the door before turning back to James.

“Thank you,” she said. “He was petrified in that dumpster. I know I don’t have the time to spend with him to keep him with me, but I’ll find a family for him. They’ll be paid well to make sure he is happy and taken care of.”

“I’ll talk to Vanessa. I’m sure she will be down here soon to meet him,” he said. “Are you bringing him in here every day for now?”

“Yea,” Carley said, propping her hip on the counter. “I’m sure he’d love to meet her. She’s definitely better with kids than with adults.”

James chuckled and said his goodbyes as Oliver came back out. The rest of the cleaning could happen in the morning. She wanted to get Oliver a proper meal and a nice hot shower. She held her hand out for him and he followed her out the back door.

Trust Excerpt 1: Training

“You are making everyone nervous,” James said as he ambled up to us.

“Good,” she said as she tore her eyes away from mine. “They need to be nervous. The next attack could happen at any time.”

“Either way,” James said with a bright smile. “It might be a good idea to send everyone out for food and come back to this after.”

Kathrine sized him up. He was one of the only humans that would approach her outright during training. Him and Thomas, that is. She found it equal parts annoying and amusing. She wasn’t used to people not having a healthy fear of her. I had a feeling Lance had a twisted sense of humor putting her in charge of this.

“I want everyone back here in two hours. We have drills to do,” she said as she spun on her heels and stalked toward the building.

“Man,” James said with a whistle. “I thinks she give you a run for your money.”

I snorted and pushed his shoulder. Nic and Ellie ran over as wolves. Ellie had been practicing shifting. She leapt in the air as she did it, and transitioned to running in her human form. Ty and Tray followed at a jog. They all grabbed their clothes from the pile nearby.

While I was starting to get used to all the nakedness all the time. I always felt better when they had their clothes back on. The ones from Tarum were even worse. They all trained together from a young age.

(All excerpts are taken from a lightly edited first draft. Contents are subject to change or be removed from the final novel entirely.)