I seriously hate the fourth of July. Yes, I know, fun killer... whatever. I live in a city neighborhood. The houses are close together and close to the street. There are 100 year old trees everywhere. Yes, lets set off professional grade fireworks in the street. PERFECT. Why not. This year someone has taken to setting off M80s in the neighborhood too. Nothing like sitting outside and then having what amounts to a bomb going off. For like two weeks I get to be increasingly more paranoid someone is going to set the street on fire (a few years ago, they did set a tree on fire) until my final anxiety fueled spiral on the fourth itself... Which this year included people down the street knocking the power line off their house with a firework and knocking the power out to half the block.
It's always bad. I hate it. My cats hate it. So, I hate the fourth, and I'm always happy when it's over.
Said stress about the fireworks only adds to the other stress I've got going on right now. Thankfully, the fireworks are about done. Probably a couple more days of occasional ones, buuuut for the most part, it's better. I'm really hoping there is a light at the end of the tunnel for the rest of it soon. Some of it is parenting related. The Child Unit will be an adult in six months. I don't know how that happened, but I'm a little bit freaking out about it. So. That's a thing I'm worried about. The other stuff isn't mine to tell. It's hitting in waves, but it's been hard.
The music has been a rollercoaster lately. I'm bouncing between a playlist with nothing but Taylor Swift songs, a playlist a friend of mine made for summer, and the one I use to write Trust. There is some overlap there, but all of it has been a whirlwind in my head. It's fantastic. Music is one of my favorite things, and it helps everything so much.
There hasn't been as much reading lately as I would like, but I'm working on it. CampNaNo has introduced some stressed of it's own in my life. I'm spending a lot more time in front of my laptop trying to make it happen. I'm keeping up, but barely. I really want to say I pulled it off. It would be so fantastic to know for sure I can write at this pace on the regular and that Matchstick wasn't a fluke. That remains to be seen. There is a lot of July left still.
I said before, I'm productively adrift. I can feel myself pulling closer and closer to adrift and I need to stop that from happening. There is too much for me to do for me to get lost in the chaos of my mind... but I am overdue for it. Maybe I should be happy I've held on for this long. Here's to pushing through and hoping to retain some level of sanity in the process (although anyone that knows me will tell you I lost what was left of my sanity years ago lol).
Until next week ♥
I see your monsters, I see your pain
Tell me your problems, I'll chase them away
I'll be your lighthouse, I'll make it ok
When I see your monsters, I'll stand there so brave
And chase them all away
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