I'm being healthy. It sucks. I mean, it's good, and I know I'll feel better. The last time I made better food choices consistently and exercised regularly, I felt great. My asthma improved significantly, I slept better, I didn't feel as sluggish in the morning, and my patience improved. Getting back in the habit is hard. Getting into it again will be painful for a while. Right now, I'm sitting on my couch, trying not to move my abdomen too much. I have a tendency to jump into things too hard and fast. I'm pushing myself hard with these workouts (not in a dangerous way). I'm just crazy sore. I want to be able to do a 45 HIIT workout again. Probably not going to try that tomorrow lol
I'm also a little bit freaking out. I leave to drive 850 miles in checks notes SIXTEEN DAYS. Wtf. I had like a year and a half. All of a sudden, it's like here?? I'm excited to see my best friend and to actually meet his fiancé! I'm just freaking out about the drive time (14 hours!!), leaving my cats for nine days, and being surrounded by a bunch of people I don't know. Once I'm on the road, I will be more excited. At the 10 hour mark, I will be over driving. Once I get there, I will be excited again. Is it really all that surprising someone with a pretty extreme anxiety condition is... anxious? lol
Speaking of anxiety... I learned something recently. I have always had a lot of intrusive thoughts. Like all the time. If I'm close to stairs, my brain likes to tell me how I could fall down them headfirst. When I chop things as I cook, my brain likes to tell me how I could just cut a whole finger right off on accident. I mean... I don't want to go into graphic details, but my brain is constantly showing me how I could be maimed or killed (even the mild headache springing up right now could be a brain bleed that's about to kill me). I don't linger on them. I know they are ridiculous. You can't accidentally cut off a whole finger with a standard kitchen knife. I have a migraine condition, so headaches and migraines are a regular occurrence and not likely to be fatal. I thought this was normal. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. Hooooowever, it's apparently not normal to have them almost all the time with such horrible graphic detail. I was talking to my mom about this, and she was horrified at how many times in a day my brain tells me I could die. I guess this is just my life? Yay me?
All the writing things are going exceptionally well! I'm ahead of schedule to finish Matchstick by the end of the month! I still can't quite believe it. This is definitely a record for me. Aaaand I'm competitive by nature. I'm going to see if I can beat that record for the next book I write. I'm probably overreaching. That's fine. I do that a lot. It's probably not healthy, but I'm going to keep doing it anyway.
I wanted to do nail updates regularly. I did something stupid, though. In an attempt to cut corners in removing the gel polish, I started filing a lot of it off with an electric nail file. The problem? Apparently, as I was attempting to go after stubborn patches of polish, I was filing away layers of my actual nail. It sounds so obvious thinking about it now... So I have patches of my nails that are crazy thin and were actually sore. So, I put a thick layer of polish over those parts to protect them from direct contact with anything, but I'm not doing anything fancy with them. I'm going to backfill until they grow out a bunch and strengthen. I'm going to do them up nice before I leave for the wedding, but until then, they are just lime green!
That's enough rambling for today.
Until next week ♥
No comments:
Post a Comment