An Interview: Ellie

“Thank you for coming in for the interview today.”

“It’s really no problem,” Ellie said as she practically skipped to her seat. “I was surprised you wanted to talk to me, of all people. Vanessa and James would be so much better at an interview.”

“Well, this is to get to know you a little better before really diving into the story Vanessa has been documenting.”

“Even still. My life wasn’t ever as exciting as theirs. Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of fun. I’ve learned from some of the best teachers, traveled to several cities, and had the ability to go after anything that interested me. It just doesn’t feel like something people would be interested in hearing about,” she said with a laugh. She tucked her feet underneath her and folded her hands in her lap.

“What do you like about your job?”

“I don’t really have one right now,” she said, tipping her head to the side. “I’d really like to work with Vanessa and James, but I don’t know if that will actually happen. Can I answer like it’s already my job?”

“Sure!”

“Digging up information that isn’t supposed to be found is fun. It’s a challenge every time to strike just the right cord with the magic to pull in what you want. It’s a high when you can pull it off. Plus, there is an air of danger around? Like, I don’t want to be at serious risk all the time, but like there is a real chance something could happen because of what you’re doing. It’s not just hypo research. It’s real, and it’s out there, and it’s exciting! I also really like being around James and Vanessa! The way they work together and get things done together. They really are the siblings I’ve never had and never knew I wanted. Ya know?” she said, barely taking a breath. “Oh! And Thomas! It’s so awesome. We have spent some time geeking out together with tech stuff.”

“Seems like there is a lot about it you really love.”

“There really is!” she said, grinning from ear to ear. She was dying to say more about it but was trying to restrain herself. Something she surely was learning from Vanessa.

“Would you ever consider a different job, and if so, what would you want to do?”

“I wouldn’t want to do anything else,” she sighed. “It really is perfect for me. I’m afraid she will tell me I can’t work for her.” She looked down at her hands as she picked at the hem of her shirt. She realized what she was doing and flushed before stilling her hands. “If she said no, I’d probably try to find something with tech. I’m good at it. So, somewhere would probably take me.”

“I’m sure many places would love to have you on their payroll.” She beamed and relaxed a little. “What’s a hobby you have?”

“I’ve talked about the tech stuff already, but I also really like history. When I was a kid and my parents went to see Lexi, I always went with them. I asked her all kinds of questions and was always trying to look at all her books. She would scold me and act mad, but I saw the small smile she’d get when she thought I wasn’t looking.” She looked pleased with herself. Her hands were still, but her eyes were bright as she continued. “Sometimes, I could tell she wasn’t having a good day, and I would leave her alone. Even then, she would still hand me a book to borrow. I think she actually likes kids; she just doesn’t want anyone to know it. I don’t know why. She was always really good with me. Well, other than the grunting and mumbling and occasional swearing. Ok, maybe she wasn’t really good with me, but I liked her a lot!”

“How did learning about tech and history become your hobbies?”

“For tech, it was mostly about being nosey. I wanted to know things and had the tools needed to learn. No matter how hard I tried, though, my parents were always a step ahead of me, and I never learned anything good about them. It didn’t stop me from trying. I think they liked it that I did. I mean, not that I was trying to spy on them, but that I had that kind of determination, and then later, I think they were proud of all I taught myself.”

She was sitting forward in her chair, hands getting more and more animated as she talked. She finally had to put one of her feet back on the floor so she didn’t fall over forward. It didn’t occur to her that if she relaxed and leaned back, she wouldn’t need her foot on the floor.

“When it comes to history, I have just always loved it. I think it helped that Lexi had so much of it too. She had loads of stuff in her house, and seeing it was always a highlight of my day. So, I wanted more. I guess I’m greedy like that. Once I get that initial taste of information, it’s like a drug I can’t get enough of. Vanessa says that’s good but that I need to learn how to reign myself in and take direction better. That’s probably true. We’ll see.”

She realized how she was sitting and flushed again. She leaned back, pulled her leg underneath her again, and folded her hands in her lap.

“What skill do you have that might be surprising?”

“I don’t think anything I do is all that surprising,” she said, brow furrowed. “I mean, the tech stuff always surprises people at first, but I’m told I talk a lot and don’t leave anything a mystery. Vanessa thinks I should work on that. James and Thomas think it’s amusing, I think. Lexi acts like it annoys her, but she still does stuff with and for me all the time.”

“What does the perfect vacation look like to you?”

“I like camping,” she said, leaning forward again, eyes wide and bright. “The smells, the sounds, the animals, and all the plants just everywhere. It’s relaxing and pretty, and I could spend a lot of time out there. I haven’t had the chance in a while. Things were pretty busy for a while before my parents died, and since then, it’s been crazy too. Maybe soon. Oh! But it was kinda like camping a couple times when the whole group of us had to travel between cities. Not quite, because we were tired from walking or riding and stuff, but still. I did like doing it.”

“What about a perfect date?”

She blanched and looked back at her hands.

“I don’t really have any desire to? I like having friends, and sometimes if I’m really close friends with someone, I like to cuddle up with them while we watch something or just talk, but beyond that… I just don’t have any interest in it. I never have. I will always want to be surrounded by people I love; I just won’t love them in that way.”

“That’s fair. Not everyone wants to be in a romantic relationship. So, how about your ideal evening with someone you love?”

“Laying in the grass, looking up at the stars. I wouldn’t want it to be too warm, but also not cold either. There is this sweet spot that is hard to explain. It depends on the wind and temp and the humidity, but once you find it…” she swooned a little thinking about it. Her face aglow with wonder. “You can lay there in silence watching the stars, have a lighthearted chat, or dive into a deep, meaningful conversation. You can even wing around between all three. It just makes anything possible, and it’s that just perfect?”

“It sounds amazing. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me, Ellie.”

“Thank you for listening. I’m sure I talked your ear off the whole time. I’m trying to get better at that, but I think I have a long way to go. Especially if Vanessa is going to let me work for her. I can’t do that with clients… I’m doing it again,” she said, blushing. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s ok. It was very nice talking to you. The portal will take you back.”

She popped up to her feet and hurried over to the portal.

Cuddling Peanuts, Long Drives, and Soreness

 I didn’t get a post up last week, and in all honesty one might not make it up Thursday of this week. This is going to be quick and from my phone (so excuse any weirdness please 😬). 

The trip out to Connecticut was fantastic. The wedding was beautiful. The trip to Boston was awesome (sans the terrifying UNDER THE GROUND train ride since I’m claustrophobic). I meet some fabulous new people  I hope will be long time friends. 

That drive was a bitch. 16 hours on the way there, just over 17 on the way back. 80 miles outside of Cleveland, there was a massive accident that turned I-90 into a parking lot. We got home just after 11pm last night. I missed my kitten, my coffee, and my routine. 

So, today, it’s a lot of recovery. While I miss all the people, and would like to make it happen again, for now I want to enjoy my porch while I get back to editing. Sometime soon-ish, I’ll probably post some pictures. We’ll see when I make it happen lol 

That’s what I’ve got today. Excuse me while I get some more coffee 💚

Thomas and James: The Move

 “You’re seriously going to move in with him?” Vanessa asked, pouting in the corner.

“I’m seriously going to move in with him,” James said with a grin. “Aren’t you supposed to be happy for me?”

“Sure, whatever,” she mumbled.

He knew this was hard on her. They hadn’t lived apart their entire lives. To everyone else, Vanessa was crass, abrasive, and bossy, but he knew her better than that. She could be all those things, but she was so much more. He just wished everyone else could see it.

“We’ve been a couple for three years now, V,” he said softly. “Don’t you think it’s time?”

“I don’t understand why he doesn’t just move in here. There’s plenty of room.”

James sighed internally before walking over to her and opening his arms. She only hesitated for a second before standing up and stepping into him. He kissed her cheek.

“You know that isn’t really an option.”

“I don’t hate him anymore!” she argued. “I will even be nicer to him.”

“V…”

“I know…” she said with a sigh, holding him tighter.

He knew she was afraid. She was afraid of what she would do being completely alone. She was afraid of him being out there on his own, where she couldn’t protect him. He was pretty sure what she was most afraid of was losing him to Thomas. He knew there was very little he could say to reassure her. It would just take time.

He could tell she was hiding tears when she stepped back and turned around. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Vanessa and Thomas didn’t fight all the time anymore, but he could still see their jealousy of each other. Another thing only time could heal.

“I guess your new neighborhood is nice,” Vanessa grumbled.

“It is,” James said softly.

“And you’re going to have a yard now.”

“I will.”

“Maybe I could buy you a grill,” she said, trying to sound happy.

“I’m sure Thomas would appreciate it,” he said as he rested his hand on her shoulder.

“Ok! I’m back,” Thomas called as he came in the front door. “I got you some more boxes.”

“Thank you,” James said. “We’re definitely going to need them.”

“You haven’t gotten very far,” Thomas scoffed as he came into the bedroom.

He took one look at Vanessa standing off to the side, looking out the window, and rolled his eyes. Thomas had not been handling Vanessa’s moodiness through this whole process well. He hadn’t said anything about it directly to Vanessa, he knew better than that, but James had spent a lot of time trying to help Thomas understand.

 

Thomas just couldn’t deal with Vanessa. He really had no idea how James could tolerate it. She was judgmental, bossy, and dramatic. He decided to step out to the living room and work on some of the stuff there. Vanessa had gone through and put stickers on all the stuff that was James’s so it would be easier for Thomas to help pack. He wasn’t sure if that was a kindness or if it was to avoid talking to him as much as possible. Either way, he didn’t care. He was ready to have more time with James without Vanessa.

“Do you remember when we got to Kadence?” he heard Vanessa ask James.

Her voice was shaky. He had never heard her sound anything less than confident and bossy. He was pretty sure Vanessa thought he had left again. Even though he knew he shouldn’t intrude, he moved closer to the door to hear.

“We had no idea what we were doing,” James said.

“We dragged Casey all around looking for somewhere decent to stay,” Vanessa said. “She was so tired, you ended up carrying her.”

Vanessa sounded so soft and gentle. He was taken aback by it. He wished he had been able to see this side of her before.

“That small house we found was a godssend,” James said. “I still can’t believe it was just sitting there empty.”

“I know. I kept expecting someone to show up and kick us out,” Vanessa laughed. It sounded light and genuine.

“You made that place a home for her, V. She was able to strike out on her own and make a name for herself because you gave her a home.”

“It was a joint effort,” she said. “I just can’t stop thinking about all of it.” Her voice softened as the quiver returned. “I know I need to be nicer to him. I know you love him. I just… I feel like I’m losing you to him. He just can’t wait to pull you away from me every chance he gets.”

“Vanessa, honey, you know you will never lose me. I know that you know that.”

“I know it sounds ridiculous,” she said, barely audible.

“We have been living together for 26 years. I don’t know that we have ever spent more than one night apart at a time. It will be hard for me too, V. It’s going to be a change, but we will adjust.”

“I don’t like changes.”

“You’ll survive, and I’ll be right there to help you.”

“It’d be easier if you were still living here…” she grumbled.

“Do you remember what you told Casey when she moved out as we moved here?”

“No…”

“I know you remember. You just don’t want to say it.”

“Fine,” she sighed. “It wasn’t goodbye, and she was always welcome to wherever we were.”

“And?”

“And that she didn’t need to be afraid anymore,” she grumbled. “We are safe here.”

“Exactly,” James said softly. “You don’t need to worry about me. We are safe in Kadence. You will be ok here on your own too. I promise.”

“You sound so confident everything will just be fine.”

“Because I am.”

“I guess Thomas is ok,” she said. “I like seeing you happy.”

Thomas felt guilty listening. Neither of them talked much about the times before Kadence. He knew it had been hard on them, but he didn’t know they had lived together for basically their whole life. He wanted to know why Vanessa was worried about being safe. They ran a successful business, and they could afford three of these houses all at the same time. He planned to look into it when he was able to. He knew he shouldn’t pry, but he just had to know.

He crept over to the front door and opened it before closing it loudly. He walked back to the bedroom. James was hugging Vanessa, and Thomas could see her face in profile. It looked like there were tears in her eyes. As he stepped into the room, Vanessa stepped away from James and turned her back, looking out the window again.

“Hey,” Thomas said. “I decided I wanted to paint the whole inside of the house before we move in. It’ll probably take a week or so.”

“You just want to make more work for me,” Vanessa said without turning around. Her usual arrogance slipped right back into her voice.

“Yes, everything is about you,” Thomas answered. He tried to push the same indignation into his tone that he always had, but he missed the mark. James raised his eyebrow at him.

“Might be nice to paint,” James said slowly. “It’d be easier without all our stuff in it.”

“I’m going to get coffee,” Vanessa said.

She turned on her heel and stalked toward the door. Thomas didn’t say anything or look directly at her as she passed. He didn’t want her to know he had overheard them. The shift in her tone when she thought it was just her and James was what did it for Thomas. It was the first time he saw what James did. He also knew better than to tell her he had overheard.

“How much did you hear?” James asked as soon as he heard the front door close.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You went from demanding to be away from her as fast as possible to pushing it out a week to paint.”

“I’m sorry,” Thomas sighed. “I was starting to work on the living room when I heard her. I know I shouldn’t have listened, but I never thought I’d hear Vanessa sound… afraid.”

The muscle in James’s jaw tightened. Thomas could almost feel James pulling his emotions together. He wasn’t sure what to do, so he decided to just wait.

“Vanessa and I have a history that’s complicated. We have been through a lot, and none of it is a happy story. We don’t talk about it except to each other. We don’t want sympathy, and we don’t particularly want to remember it.”

“James, I am sorry. It won’t happen again,” Thomas said quickly.

“I’m not mad. I don’t know how to explain what I am feeling right now.”

Matchstick Excerpt 2: The Explosion

 “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what happened.”

“She is outside and safe,” I said, grabbing her shoulders to steady her. She winced at my touch, but met my gaze. “I was just with her.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. “They won’t let me see him.”

“Go with them to get looked at, I’ll check on him,” I said, glad she picked up on avoiding our names. We would have to give them some. “It will be ok, Joann.”

She nodded slowly and I helped her into to grasp of the firefighter. He gave me grateful look and started leading her down the hallway. I didn’t know what names to use. That was the only one I could think of. With Bethany out there somewhere, and Mark looking for us, it just felt like a bad idea to be in a hospital under our real names.

“I need to see my boyfriend,” I said to one of the other firefighters.

“You need to be back downstairs,” he said to me softly. “We have people with him. There is nothing you can do up here.”

“I am not leaving until I see him.”

“I can’t let you in there,” he said again, just as firmly.

I stared at him for a minute before turning. He thought I was going to leave. Instead, I darted into the door Mel had exited from. The door connecting our rooms was pushed to, but not actually closed. I flung it open before anyone could stop me.

I froze. I knew it was Onyx. There was no one else it could be. He was burned severely. Two EMTs and a firefighter were at his side. They were talking rapidly about vital signs and other numbers I could not process. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and wrenched myself away from it.

I flung myself on the floor next to him and took his hand. The barrage of pain that filled him almost made me drop his hand. I held it tighter. As tears spilled from my eyes, I willed some of the pain to leave him.

(All excerpts are taken from a lightly edited first draft. The content may change or be removed entirely from the finished novel.)

I'm Not Stressed, You're Stressed!

 Don't mind me, just over here silently freaking out about driving across the country... I'm crazy excited about my best friend's wedding. I've known Chris for a decade. A DECADE 😌. I can't believe it's been that long since we were running around in Telara (Guardians FTW) in KC before I staged an accidental coup and launched Shenanigans. The most fun group of people in whole game... Unless any of you had spent time in Rift, it will not make any sense (and he was a filthy Defiant). I'm excited for him and with him. I cannot wait to meet his fiancé in person. But right now I'm freaking out about the journey. I leave at 6am tomorrow (Friday) to start a 16 hour drive. I'm freaking out I will forget something important (like Naomi's bridesmaid dress or the shirt I'll be in as a groomsman). I'm freaking out that my bank will decide I used my card in an out of state gas station so it should shutter it. I'm freaking out about the drive too. It's long. I'm going straight through. And I'm going to miss my cat. My beautiful little Peanut. I'm crazy, I know. I've accepted it. 

Basically what I'm saying is this is short and sweet this week. I barely have time to do anything. I'm on a clock. But, one last thing, I have finished the first round of edits on Matchstick, and I'm taking the second round with me to CT. I may or may not getting any work done on it, either way, I'll have it. 

Ok, until next week ♥

An Interview: Annabell

 

“Good evening, Annabell. How are you doing?”

“Very well, thank you,” she said, plopping down in the chair and tucking her legs under her. “What about yourself?”

“I’m doing just fine. You’re a hard woman to schedule with.”

“I always try to keep myself busy, but things are especially chaotic now.”

“Let’s get started; I don’t want to take up all your time.”

“That’s sweet of you, darlin’,” she said with a smile. “I’m more than happy to be here.”

“How do you take your coffee?”

“I like chicory coffee. It’s not always available when you travel all over the world, so I adapt. I’ll take whatever is on hand and drink it black, but peppermint can be a fun way to spice it up.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had or heard of chicory coffee.”

“Then you’re missing out,” she said with a wink.

“Where is your favorite place?”

“The mountains,” she said without hesitation. Looking out from a summit is a feeling like no other, but the journey is spectacular too. Doesn’t have to be the highest peaks of the highest mountains. I like ‘em better when they aren’t anyway. Being able to take your time and really experience it all.”

“That sounds amazing. How did you get started climbing mountains?”

“It was a job, actually,” she said, tipping her head to the side. “There was a remote cabin I had to get to, and the trip up there was so beautiful, I started climbing on my own time.”

“What’s your favorite book?”

“I like biographies. Anything that gives you a peak into someone else’s life,” she said, running her fingers through her hair, absentmindedly twirling the ends around her fingers when she got there. It was the only fidgeting she’d done since she sat down.

“Is there one you like more than others?”

“They are all too different to pick. They each have their own merits and interesting points. It’d be way too much to weigh them against each other like that.”

She shifted sideways in the chair, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them.

“This is a fantastic chair. I think I need one of these.”

“I’m sure I could have someone let you know where we got it.”

“That would be fantastic,” she said with a smile. “I was just thinkin’ how I could curl up like this with a book. All that’s missing is some soft background music.”

“What kind of music would you put on?”

“Depends,” she said thoughtfully. “A lot of it is mood-based, but it doesn’t matter much since it’s just to keep the silence away.”

“We’ll have to dive into that another time. What’s your favorite movie?”

“Is it too predictable that I’d say The Notebook?” she asked, scrunching up her nose. “I know it has all kinds of problems, and if you sat down and dove into all the details, it’s not great… but after all they went through over the years, and the crazy and the bad and all that… they end up together. They find their way, and as sad as the ending can be, it’s also heartwarming that he loves her so much.”

“Could that be something you’ve been looking for?”

“Not exactly,” she said, picking at her jeans. “It’s not a roadmap or anything, but the overall idea of having someone in your life that even when you’re old, and your mind isn’t all there, they still love you so completely.”

“It does sound lovely.”

She nodded, still picking at her jeans.

“What’s a hobby you have?”

“Weapons,” she said with a grin. “Learning them, practicing them, becoming one of the best with them.”

“That’s not really a hobby for you, though. It’s part of your job.”

“It can be both. I had to be proficient with some of them, but I didn’t have to search out all the weapons I could find and hone them into precision. That’s something I do on my own.”

“What skill do you have that might be surprising?”

“I don’t know that any skill should be surprising,” she said, tipping her head to the side. “Anyone can learn anything they find interesting with enough interest and determination.”

“That’s a fair assessment. However, it does happen anyway. We peg the kinds of things a person should do or would do based on how they look or do other tasks.”

“I try my damnedest not to do that. I’m a short, petite, southern blonde with a sweet smile. I can still kill you in 100 different ways with what’s in this room. No one takes me seriously at first. Sticking people in boxes can be insulting, but it can also cause you to under, or over, estimate someone.”

“Well, you’ve pretty much already answered this next question, but what does the perfect vacation look like to you?”

“The mountains,” she said with a grin. “Having enough time to really enjoy climbing and then camping out before coming back down.”

“What about a perfect date?”

“All dates are different because of the company you have with you. I would want someone with a sense of adventure, but that doesn’t mean they are ready to jump into something I want to try. It can be an exciting experience to take someone on a journey you’ve been on, and they haven’t, but it can also be exciting to jump into something new together.”

“So you don’t have a particular place or activity, just something adventurous?”

“Pretty much!”

“Well, thank you for your time, Annabell. It was nice to catch up with you.”

“You are very welcome, darlin’! It was fun,” she said as she stood up and stretched before ambling to the door. “Oh, and don’t forget to let me know about that chair.” With that, she stepped through the door.

Kitty Cat Cuddles and Busy Days

 The cat cuddles have been an important part of the week. I've been getting through the editing, finishing up a couple crochet projects, and preparing to head out for my best friend's wedding. It's all exciting and great, but also stressful. 

I leave in 10 days. I want to get the first round of edits done by then, but I was also hoping to get this blanket done too. I don't know if I will be able to accomplish both. I guess we'll see. 

Allergies have also been insane this week. I've felt like crap. I need that to be cleared up before the wedding. I can't look like I got hit by a truck while standing up there. We'll see. 

I feel like there is more I should say or wanted to say, but I can't think of anything right now. So, I'm going to leave it at that. 

Until next time ♥

Leaving Riverfell

 

Getting out of the city had been harder than they expected. Vanessa didn’t trust much of anything anymore, not that she was very trusting before, either. A couple of the street kids wanted to follow them, but most others wanted to stay in the city. All the gates were being watched, so they couldn’t walk out. Vanessa had wanted to leave two days before, but it just wasn’t possible.

“Are you sure this is going to work?” James whispered.

“No, but do you have a better idea?” Vanessa replied.

“Nope.”

“Ok, it’s almost dark enough. We need this to work,” she said.

Casey and Riley were sitting silently a few feet away. They were the youngest of our kids and didn’t want to be left on their own. James was glad they were coming with. The others were more prepared to take on the city on their own. They were taking over the house James and Vanessa set up, and after some teary goodbyes, they said they would continue trying to help other street kids. Vanessa wasn’t much for public displays of emotion, but that really meant a lot to her.

She looked around one more time and then gestured for James to help her move the platform. Casey and Riley saw them and came over to help.

“Wouldn’t it have been easier to use your magic to get this all the way out here and then into position?” Riley asked.

“It would have been, but then I wouldn’t have the magic to get us out.”

“But you have a ton of magic,” Casey chimed in.

“Not yet, but maybe someday,” Vanessa said with a soft smile.

As abrasive and snarky as she could be, she had a soft spot for the kids. She would never admit to having any soft spots, but you could see it in her eyes whenever the kids were around. She had been teaching Casey how to use her magic efficiently. She’d had Casey drive the nails in to hold the platform of scavenged wood together.

She was 11 and had clung to Vanessa immediately. The two of them worked together to strengthen Casey’s magic enough that she was already starting to move past the incantations. Riley was a little jealous Vanessa couldn’t help her as much, but Vanessa only knew about fairy magic in theoreticals. She still worked with her all the time, though.

“Ok, everyone sit down and try to keep as still as possible. I know it will be hard but do your best. Casey, I will do most of it, but I want you to add your magic to mine so you can feel it working. Don’t push harder than I am, ok?” Vanessa whispered.

Casey’s eyes widened, but she nodded. Vanessa and James sat on the sides, and James took Casey’s hand to provide some silent support. Vanessa started using her magic, and James felt Casey tense up as she pulled on hers. The platform began to rise. It was a little shaky, and James had to resist the urge to steady himself.

“Careful,” Vanessa said softly. “I can feel you pushing too hard on that side.”

The platform steadied as it crested the wall that surrounded the city. The descent on the other side was much faster. James had a feeling it was because Vanessa was running low on magic. She had gotten a lot stronger, but she had a tendency to push herself too hard at every turn. He felt better once the platform was almost back on the ground.

“You did so good!” Vanessa whispered to Casey as we all got up and moved quickly into the trees. The forest didn’t start in earnest for quite a distance north, but there was still some tree cover. “We can camp out here for the night and catch a ride north on a merchant convoy in the morning.”

“We have to be quick, or we won’t make it, so you have to be ready,” James said.

“I’m going to go find a good place to set up a small shelter for the night,” Vanessa said.

James sat down on the ground as she walked out and leaned against a tree. The girls settled in on either side of him, and he put his arms around them. They tried to make life for the kids they took in as normal as possible, but squatting in abandoned buildings and scrounging for food wasn’t very normal. They didn’t have a complete plan yet. Once they snuck a ride on the convoy, they would bail just outside of Crestwall and make their way into Cypress Mountain. Vanessa didn’t want to risk another city just yet. Not with Kent looking for them.

The girls had fallen asleep. It had been a long day of preparing and then a long night of waiting. When Vanessa returned, she saw the girls were asleep, so she dropped down in front of James.

“I found a spot. I was going to have them help me so they could get some practice in, but I think they need the sleep. Give me a few minutes, and I’ll have something mostly acceptable for the night,” she whispered.

James nodded and was content waiting. It really didn’t take long at all. They wished they could’ve carried the girls, but it wasn’t possible. The shelter they moved off to was wedged between two trees, with a few branches precariously covering the top. She had put together a small fire, surrounded on three sides by a brunch hut. It would conceal the light well enough, and the dark night would make the smoke harder to pick out.

“Can this work?” Vanessa asked him after they got the girls settled.

“We can make it work. We always do,” James answered as he sat next to her by the fire.

“I was glad they decided to come with us so we can protect them, but now that we’re out here…”

“Hey, it will be ok.”

She leaned against him, and he wrapped his arms around her. Not all that long ago it was the other way around. She was always comforting him, reassuring him, but he had grown up. He realized how hard everything Vanessa dealt with was and didn’t want her to bear it all alone. He kissed her temple and squeezed her once.

“We will make it work, and we will make sure they are protected. We can take some time away from everything up in Cypress, and then from there, we can pick a city and try to get a business up and running like we talked about.”

“You sound confident.”

“That’s because I am.”

THIRTY-NINE DAYS

I WROTE A WHOLE BOOK IN THIRTY-NINE DAYS!!!!!! 

I can't believe it. I've checked and double-checked. I didn't imagine it or misread how many words I have. It's real. I did it. I completed CampNaNo. Matchstick is officially written. It's crazy. I'm over the moon. It's a fantastic end to a weird and stressful week. 

I'm setting it aside for today, and I start round one of edits tomorrow. My process has changed a lot since I first started writing. I can't say it's perfect now, but it's what's getting me there. As I was writing, I knew some things needed to be fleshed out more. Places, emotions, settings, etc. Some of it was just the need to move forward, to get the scene to the end I knew it would have. I was in a flow and needed to get it out without bogging myself down with all the particulars. This first round will address that. Making sure it reads how I want it to read. 

Second round will involve printing it and making all kinds of edits with pretty pens, then adding it to my document. My third is reading it again, checking for inconsistencies, plot holes I may have created with other edits, general flow, etc. Then it goes through my editing software (I ♥ Grammarly) to catch any weirdness my brain glossed over. 

I haven't decided if this one is going into beta. It probably should. The problem is it's the second in a series. Finding people who can be objective but also understand the flow from the first book will be harder. Rage had some dedicated betas, so the second book will be sent to them. I'll see how it goes. 

Publication of Matchstick will hopefully be in February of 2024. Once I'm through with edits here, I'll be jumping back to Justified. I'm hoping to make it the target of the July CampNaNo.

I'm celebrating today. There may or may not be some brandy later. ♥

No Pain, No Gain (cries in soreness)

 I'm being healthy. It sucks. I mean, it's good, and I know I'll feel better. The last time I made better food choices consistently and exercised regularly, I felt great. My asthma improved significantly, I slept better, I didn't feel as sluggish in the morning, and my patience improved. Getting back in the habit is hard. Getting into it again will be painful for a while. Right now, I'm sitting on my couch, trying not to move my abdomen too much. I have a tendency to jump into things too hard and fast. I'm pushing myself hard with these workouts (not in a dangerous way). I'm just crazy sore. I want to be able to do a 45 HIIT workout again. Probably not going to try that tomorrow lol 

I'm also a little bit freaking out. I leave to drive 850 miles in checks notes SIXTEEN DAYS. Wtf. I had like a year and a half. All of a sudden, it's like here?? I'm excited to see my best friend and to actually meet his fiancé! I'm just freaking out about the drive time (14 hours!!), leaving my cats for nine days, and being surrounded by a bunch of people I don't know. Once I'm on the road, I will be more excited. At the 10 hour mark, I will be over driving. Once I get there, I will be excited again. Is it really all that surprising someone with a pretty extreme anxiety condition is... anxious? lol 

Speaking of anxiety... I learned something recently. I have always had a lot of intrusive thoughts. Like all the time. If I'm close to stairs, my brain likes to tell me how I could fall down them headfirst. When I chop things as I cook, my brain likes to tell me how I could just cut a whole finger right off on accident. I mean... I don't want to go into graphic details, but my brain is constantly showing me how I could be maimed or killed (even the mild headache springing up right now could be a brain bleed that's about to kill me). I don't linger on them. I know they are ridiculous. You can't accidentally cut off a whole finger with a standard kitchen knife. I have a migraine condition, so headaches and migraines are a regular occurrence and not likely to be fatal. I thought this was normal. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. Hooooowever, it's apparently not normal to have them almost all the time with such horrible graphic detail. I was talking to my mom about this, and she was horrified at how many times in a day my brain tells me I could die. I guess this is just my life? Yay me?

All the writing things are going exceptionally well! I'm ahead of schedule to finish Matchstick by the end of the month! I still can't quite believe it. This is definitely a record for me. Aaaand I'm competitive by nature. I'm going to see if I can beat that record for the next book I write. I'm probably overreaching. That's fine. I do that a lot. It's probably not healthy, but I'm going to keep doing it anyway.

 

I wanted to do nail updates regularly. I did something stupid, though. In an attempt to cut corners in removing the gel polish, I started filing a lot of it off with an electric nail file. The problem? Apparently, as I was attempting to go after stubborn patches of polish, I was filing away layers of my actual nail. It sounds so obvious thinking about it now... So I have patches of my nails that are crazy thin and were actually sore. So, I put a thick layer of polish over those parts to protect them from direct contact with anything, but I'm not doing anything fancy with them. I'm going to backfill until they grow out a bunch and strengthen. I'm going to do them up nice before I leave for the wedding, but until then, they are just lime green! 

That's enough rambling for today. 

Until next week ♥

Matchstick Excerpt 1: The Getaway

 

“Are we there yet,” I asked Onyx with a grin.

“Almost,” he said, winking at me.

“You’ve been saying ‘almost’ for over an hour,” I laughed. “I think you need a new definition.”

“Just trying to keep you on your toes!”

“You still won’t tell me where we are going?”

“Nope, it’s still a secret.”

I stuck my hand out the window just enough to twirl it through the wind. We weren’t driving nearly as fast as we had the last time we took the Spider to a date. The suspense was killing me. He wouldn’t even tell me for sure what to pack. He said all I needed was some clothes and a bathing suit. I didn’t know how long he had been planning this, but he had already thought of everything. No matter what argument I made for not going, he had a counter argument. Arthur was there to back him up.

After all the effort and work we had put into tracking Dunham Marshawn, our next Order target, I felt obligated to be there for the last minute prep. We were going after him on Tuesday. I knew it wasn’t an argument I was going to win. So, I had to pack a bag for a trip I didn’t know anything about.

I was glad to be out of the house. Onyx kept telling me how important it was to enjoy the downtime when we had it, but it was still hard for me to accept. Maybe he was right after all. I didn’t want to tell him that. I already knew what look he would give me.

“Now we’re almost there,” Onyx said with his signature grin as he pulled off the expressway.

“There is nothing out here.”

“That’s the point. Wouldn’t be much of a getaway if there were people everywhere, would it?”

(All excerpts are taken from a lightly edited first draft. The content may change or be removed entirely from the finished novel.)

Being An Adult Sucks

 Here I am, at 8:30pm on Wednesday night, scrambling to get something done... This will be a short one. I know they go up on Thursday nights, but I don't want to cut it too close and miss it.

I spent this morning waiting for my tire place to look at my tire. It's been flat, like flat flat. I drove on it for longer than I should have. I knew what was wrong with it, but I was in denial. I called my roadside place and had them put my doughnut on. I've been driving on that for about two weeks. I finally decided to adult. I was right, the rim is old and corroded and damaged. They had scrubbed it before. Now it is toast. Done. Over. I have to replace it. The cheapest option is $190. I'm fine. This is fine. 

Then I spent the rest of the day at the hospital with Naomi. She has been having some issues. We don't really know what is going on. I'm not going to get into all the details because those aren't mine to give. She will be ok, it's just going to take more appointments and tests. Spending six hours in a hospital is not a good time. 

I'm a little behind on CampNaNo, but it isn't anything I can't make up if I put my mind to it. I still believe I can do this. It's still hard to believe I'm as far as I am. Having my mental state in a better place makes all the difference. It took me much longer to write Into the Flames, and Rage took way longer than I'd like to admit. I'm doing better and my writing is getting better. 

So, I haven't written anything today and I need to go do that or I can kiss my hopes of finishing in time goodbye. 

Until next week ♥

When Thomas met James, Continued

 

He was going to do it. He had wanted to for a while but was afraid of what the answer might be, especially if Vanessa was around. He had run into James numerous times since the coffee shop incident a few months ago. Luckily, they weren’t as eventful. Vanessa wouldn’t acknowledge him at all. That was probably for the best; he didn’t like her much. He tried not to be rude; obviously, she meant a lot to James for some reason.

Carly had warmed up to him a bit. Every once in a while, she’d hand him his coffee and tell him James had covered it already. That was what really seemed to wear him down. It took him a long time to accept that it was something James wanted to do. The first time, he got into an argument with Carly about it. She didn’t back down from anything. He once saw someone come in to rob her, and she somehow had them hanging their heads and apologizing. She ended up giving them free muffins. He didn’t hear what she had said, but it was impressive.

Thomas bounced on the balls of his feet, pumping himself up. He chickened out before and didn’t want it to happen again. He knew James would be in Carly’s soon. The problem was… Vanessa would be too. He paced back and forth.

“Grab a table and wait. That’s it. Just wait for them to get in there. Everything else can be decided from there,” he said to himself.

He squeezed his hands into tight fits a few times before walking across the street and into the coffee shop. The morning rush hadn’t started yet, so he was only of the only people inside.

“Morning, Thomas,” Carly said. She wasn’t exactly warm to him yet, but she wasn’t icy either.

“Good morning, Carly,” he said with a nervous smile.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re up to something,” she asked, looking him over carefully.

“Well… I… So, I think…” Thomas ran his fingers through his hair and blew out a puff of air. “I’m going to talk to James today. I think.”

“’bout time,” Carly said, crossing her arms over her chest. Thomas was stunned. He didn’t know how to respond. “I went from seeing you once or twice a month to at least twice a week, conveniently always when James will be in here.”

“I really didn’t think anyone would notice. Do you think he has?”

“Maybe,” she said with a shrug. “Him and Vanessa don’t miss much.”

“How much is their coffee order usually?”

“Depends on the day. You lookin' to pay?”

“Yea, I just don’t know how much to give you.”

“Tell ya what. I can see effort on your part. I don’t know what is causing it, but it’s a good effort. Give me what their normal is, and I’ll cover the rest if it’s more than that. I’ll tell them it was all you.”

“You don’t have to cover the difference… I can cover it.”

“So can I.”

“Well, thank you,” Thomas said, looking at his feet.

Carly nodded and started to get his coffee ready. It wasn’t James that caused the change in him, not exactly, anyway. The day he met James, he was pulled into two different meetings about his demeanor. The employee he had made cry filed a complaint, and a supervisor in another department called him in to chastise him for how he carried himself in the building. He had been put on notice. Changes would be made, or he would be fired. He broke his knuckle punching a doorframe when he got home that night.

All the events from the day crashed around him, but there was this one little spec of good. James showed him kindness for no other reason than to be kind. He didn’t understand that. It’s not that he had never received kindness, just not from strangers. When he started to lose his temper with people, he would think about what James said about how it doesn’t hurt to be kind. His boss still wasn’t completely satisfied, he still lost his temper more than they would like him to, but as long as progress continued, he would have a job.

He took his coffee from Carly and made his way to a table off to the side. His stomach was in knots, and he couldn’t keep from shaking his leg as he waited. Carly kept glancing at him, trying to conceal her grin. He had come a long way but still had a long way to go. At least he stopped calling her Kailey.

When James walked in, he swore his heart stopped beating. This was probably a terrible idea. He turned and looked out the window. He could probably just slip out the door and never come back here again. He waited until James and Vanessa walked past where he was and stood up. He glanced back and saw Carly raise her eyebrow at him. He knew it was a challenge and swore internally as he sat back down.

“I’m glad we beat the rush,” Vanessa said to Carly. “Friday mornings are easier to relax and enjoy without a bunch of people around.”

“Says the woman that chose to work with people,” Carly said with a grin. “You’re coffee and muffins have already been paid for this morning.”

“By who?” Vanessa asked incredulously.

Carley nodded her head in Thomas’s direction. James grinned and winked but didn’t have time to say anything.

“Son of a bitch. Really?” Vanessa said, rolling her eyes. “I’d rather you just replace the skirt you ruined.”

“Be nice, V,” James said, bumping his shoulder into hers.

“I am nice! Just not to assholes.”

Thomas stood up, his face turning red as he geared up to tell her off.

“Hey now,” James said, stepping between them. “Thank you for the coffee and muffins. That was a very nice thing to do. Wasn’t it, V?”

“Whatever,” she grumbled as she took her stuff to a table as far away from Thomas as possible.

“I just… I wanted to thank you,” Thomas said, forcing the anger down.

“There’s nothing to thank me for, but I appreciate it,” James said as he ambled over.

Vanessa was mumbling to herself on the other side of the room.

“I’ve been thinking about you and what you said a lot. I remind myself of you almost every day,” Thomas started. “I mean… I don’t just spend all my time thinking about you; I meant I’ve been trying to get a handle on my temper, and what you said about kindness has helped.”

James sat down across from him and grinned.

“I’m glad it helped. See, sometimes a little kindness is all someone needs.”

“I also wanted to ask…” Thomas started, running his fingers through his hair, making it stick out everywhere. “You know what? Nevermind. Have a good day.”

He stood up so fast he almost knocked the table over. James reached for his arm, which stopped him in his track.

“Ask,” he said warmly.

“It’s ok. I’m ok. I’ll see you around.”

“Ask,” James said again, lightly squeezing Thomas’s forearm before letting go.

“Well, I just wanted to know if I could, maybe, have your number.”

James flashed him a brilliant smile and pulled out a business card.

“My cell phone is on the back,” he said.

“No. Nope. James! You cannot be serious! After the way he treated Carly AND his selfish disregard for everyone around him!” Vanessa said as she strode across the room.

“V, everyone has bad days. Some people might argue you can be a bit… aggressive.”

“That’s a completely different thing! I do NOT threaten to have people fired or to take away their livelihood because I don’t like their tone.”

Thomas started to say something, but James held up his hand.

“Do you trust me, V?”

“Of course I do!”

“Trust me now. I’m giving him a chance, whether you like it or not,” he said softly.

“I just know how much you deserve, and I don’t want to see someone take advantage of your kindness,” she said, giving Thomas a pointed look.

“I’m not trying to,” Thomas said, trying to mind his temper. “I just want a chance.”

James kissed her cheek and winked at her.

“Extend some kindness, V.”

“Fine. But I’m not happy about it.”

“I’m not asking you to be,” James said. “Just be mad about it quietly.”

She gave him a dirty look before turning on her heel and stalking back over to her table.

“Weekdays are unpredictable. Saturdays are usually pretty good,” James said with a smile.

As he walked back over to the table Vanessa sat at, Thomas felt a sense of excitement for the possibilities to come. He finished his coffee, waved at James and Vanessa, and then headed off to work.

 

Girls of Paper and Fire Series- Natasha Ngan

Girls of Paper and Fire Series- Natasha Ngan
1. Girls of Paper and Fire
2. Girls of Storm and Shadow
3. Girls of Fate and Fury

 

It’s been a while since I finished this series, but I honestly didn’t know how to write about it. A simple review felt wrong. To give them stars and make some comments about pacing and character development… it felt wrong.

This series touches on serious topics that cripple people in the real world. Sexual violence, domestic violence, and how to heal from it all. There are a lot of details that are hard to read. As an adult. As a survivor. As a woman. It was hard sometimes to read. I remember thinking, “omg, this is marketed as a YA series… wtf.”

I get it now, though. I do. It’s important, and it’s real, and as Ngan talks about in one of the notes to the reader… teenage years are usually how it starts. For some, it happens much younger. I didn’t know how to process anything then. I don’t think our brains are wired to. I think this is an important read. I’m not going to go as far as saying everyone should read it. I know people who couldn’t handle parts of the story because of triggers from their own trauma. I think it is an important read for anyone that is able. It shows how the mental damage last far longer than the physical damage. It shows how hard it is to move forward and how we shoulder guilt we shouldn’t have to.

Ngan gave a beautiful journey of the after. The recovery. She showed how everyone handles it in their own way but that you can recover from it. You can put yourself back together again. You can heal.

This doesn’t feel like a series I can just review, so I’m not going to. Picking it apart to talk about the moving pieces feels wrong. Instead, I will tell you her writing style is phenomenal. Her immersion in the world and in the places is fantastic. I will tell you that I highly recommend this book series if you are able to read it.

Running Aimlessly Through Silverwood

 At this point, it feels like a lifetime ago. Rift was the first MMO I'd ever played. It's really the only one, tbh. I gave WoW a chance, but I hated it. Rift was a place I found community when I felt like I had none. A place I made friends when I desperately needed it. Silverwood was one of my favorite places to roam. When Rift After Dark (for those of us that logged in late at night where sometimes it was drunk silliness and others it was sober deep conversations) came, I often wandered around aimlessly there while talking to people. I was a GL there. I've made a couple life long friends there. One of whom is actually getting married in May, and I'll be a groomsman at the wedding. Every once in a while, I miss it. Right now is one of those times. I don't have time for something like that. Even if I put in the work to find another game like that to play, I just can't dedicate myself to the grind. It was a really sad time for me when Rift died (I know there are still people that play, but for those of us that were there for Storm Legion, it just isn't the same). Anyway, it's just something I have been thinking about this week. 

Changes in barometric pressure are going to kill me. My allergies and sinus issues have been going wild. It's been this never-ending cycle of sneezing, headaches, and feeling like my face is going to pop open. It's not fun. What's less fun is the daily allergy meds I take do absolutely nothing for my body's reaction to pressure changes. It doesn't help that I'm allergic to living in general. That isn't an exaggeration. Think of any product you use, and I can probably name at least one brand of it that I'm allergic to. Add that to regular ones like pollen, dust, and dander from any animal, and you've got a party. I'm allergic to leaves, the bark of trees, grass, and the sun. Yes. I am allergic to the sun. Some are worse than others. Like, if I look at a rabbit, my eyes will swell shut. So, I've been feeling a lot like someone hit me with a truck. 

The weather changes aren't all bad. I'm officially back to having my office on my porch!! I'm sure there will still be a few days that get cold enough to keep me in the house, but I will be out here as much as humanly possible. I know, with all my allergies, that probably sounds crazy. I don't care. The sun allergy is only bad for the first couple weeks I'm out here, then it shifts down to be a mild annoyance. It's worth it to be out here. The cats are happy too. They have missed their porch time. There are birds to watch, people to keep an eye on, and cars to give side eyes to. They still haven't figured out why we allow all these other people to get so close to their house. It's a problem.

I spent a long time doing 60-90 minutes of exercise a day, drinking a metric fuckton of water, and trying to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Then stuff happened, and I was drinking less water and spending a lot of time on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, eating shit food while editing. Let me tell you, I felt better when I was doing the former than the latter. I need to get back into being healthy and stuff. Why is it so hard to go back to healthy habits and so easy to slip into bad ones? That is a goal for now. I probably can't dive into a 90 minute workout without feeling like I'm going to die, but I need to start doing something. I miss feeling better. 

CampNano... I was doing so well. I was ahead of the curve. I was making progress... Then I got behind on the gnome and went into panic crochet mode. I didn't write at all for 3 days. I'm no longer ahead, but I'm not too far behind, in theory. I need to work on getting that all caught up so I can finish this by the end of the month. I'm almost halfway through the book. Isn't that crazy?? I feel like it's crazy. That's fine. I'm fine. I'm going to write an entire book in like a month... I still can't believe that. I did get most of the gnome done. He didn't get a leprechaun outfit, and his suitcase isn't done yet, but everything else was done and polished. Once that stuff is done, it will be on its way to live with the gnome!

Ok, I've rambled enough, I think. I need to go get some writing done. Gotta catch up on those CampNaNo goals...

Until next week ♥